Over the past year, I've done a lot of soul-searching and I truly believe that I've made tremendous strides towards becoming the person that I want to be. I'm trying to educate myself as much as possible so that I can see the world more clearly, as well as my relationships with others. And in learning about myself, I've also learned a lot about my friends and family.
I've learned what my limits are and that setting boundaries is important. I've learned how strong I am. I've learned that my unconditional love for another person isn't a free pass for them to treat me badly. I've learned that ignorance isn't bliss. I've learned that my love for someone else isn't a tool for them to manipulate me with. I've learned that when you see red flags in another person, you should listen to the warnings. I've learned that if people want to be involved in your life, they'll make an effort to do so. And as a mother, I've learned just how much you can love a person and that there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect my child and their feelings.
I've always been a very sensitive, passionate person. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and when I hurt, it nearly cripples me. But as I've been soul-searching, I've discovered a strength inside myself that I never knew was there. I realized that I didn't have to keep putting myself through emotional turmoil every time that I felt another piece of my heart break at the hands of someone else. I realized that I didn't want my happiness or sadness to be at the mercy of another person's actions, as they had always been.
And I finally understood that the reason that the cycle kept going was because I kept using love as an excuse. If someone showed me any sort of kindness and said that they loved me, I kept hoping that eventually, all of their behavior towards me would be positive. But that wasn't the case. That love conveniently only showed itself after that particular person hurt me; it was a way to show me that they weren't a bad person for what they'd done because they loved me.
But I realize now that although I feel unconditional love for my family and friends, it isn't an excuse to keep allowing myself to be swallowed up by guilt, pain, anxiety or self-doubt. People aren't perfect and I'm certainly far from it myself. But I now recognize that it's okay to cut people out of my life or love people from afar. It's not fair to me or my child to be around contagious negativity. I need to lead by example, so I can teach my kid how to be strong and recognize what true love actually is. I heard a quote today that said, "If you say that you respect love, you must also respect its limits" and I couldn't agree more. My unconditional love for the people close to me is unlimited but if I need to impose limits upon it, I am now prepared to do so.
-Chelsea
