When I was growing up, I had a very clear vision of what I wanted my life to become. I wanted to go to college, get married, have kids young and publish a book. At 26 years old now, I can say that I've done all of those things. So, from that standpoint, I think that my 14-year-old self would be very proud of me. I checked all of the boxes and did everything that I wanted to do.
But I don't think that those things are what 14-year-old me would be the most proud of. If I'm being honest, when I was younger, I had a very negative view of the world. I thought that life was something that I just had to "get through" and I was often called a pessimist. I didn't see everything that I was missing out on and I held onto a lot of traits that ended up being toxic to me in the long run. I was a good person but I wasn't the best version of myself. But I'm working on being that person every single day.
When I was 19 years old, I started seeing a therapist that I absolutely loved. I still go in for a session every now and again and I feel better every time. I'm putting the time and effort into learning about myself and how to overcome my negative traits or thoughts through books, lectures, research and inspirational podcasts. I'm doing my best to see positivity in the world and to leave the world a better place than when I got here. I wrote a book where I allowed myself to be truly vulnerable for the first time in an effort to help anyone that reads it connect to it and hopefully feel a little better about themselves. I'm trying to be the best mother that I can be and set the best example possible for my son. When something terrible happens to me or someone hurts me, I don't hold onto the resentment anymore. I try to practice empathy and look at things from the other perspective. I don't allow myself to play the victim or dramatize scenarios to try to extract sympathy from others. I've put up boundaries to protect myself from people that don't have good intentions for me. And I'm no longer settling in friendships because I learned the hard way that you are the company you keep.
Am I proud of all that I've accomplished? Of course. When I look at the family and life that I've created for myself, how could I not be? When I hold my college degree or my book, how can I not beam with pride? I worked hard for them and I deserve them. But if you asked me what I'm the most proud of myself for, it's the fact that I've grown. In the last few years alone, since I've opened myself up to change and growth, I've become a much happier person. I'm learning to let go of toxic traits and learning that my happiness is just as important as anyone else's. I've learned my triggers and searched deep within myself to try to understand who I am and why I feel the way I do. I'm trying to learn these lessons young to save myself years of toxicity or misery down the road. I can't go back and change the past. I can't give myself the chance to learn these lessons earlier. I can't make life easier for my younger self. But what I can do is make life easier for my current and future self. What I can do is be who I wish I was when I was 14 and strive to make that girl proud every single day.
So, would my 14-year-old self be proud of me? Absolutely. But what's even more important to me is that 26-year-old me is proud of me, too.
-Chelsea
