Would My 14-Year-Old Self Be Proud of Me?

Earlier today, I was catching up on my podcasts and decided to listen to Dax Shephard's interview with Kal Penn. During the interview, they posed the question, "Would your 14-year-old self be proud of you?" And ever since they said it, the question has been floating around in my mind.

When I was growing up, I had a very clear vision of what I wanted my life to become. I wanted to go to college, get married, have kids young and publish a book. At 26 years old now, I can say that I've done all of those things. So, from that standpoint, I think that my 14-year-old self would be very proud of me. I checked all of the boxes and did everything that I wanted to do.

But I don't think that those things are what 14-year-old me would be the most proud of. If I'm being honest, when I was younger, I had a very negative view of the world. I thought that life was something that I just had to "get through" and I was often called a pessimist. I didn't see everything that I was missing out on and I held onto a lot of traits that ended up being toxic to me in the long run. I was a good person but I wasn't the best version of myself. But I'm working on being that person every single day.

When I was 19 years old, I started seeing a therapist that I absolutely loved. I still go in for a session every now and again and I feel better every time. I'm putting the time and effort into learning about myself and how to overcome my negative traits or thoughts through books, lectures, research and inspirational podcasts. I'm doing my best to see positivity in the world and to leave the world a better place than when I got here. I wrote a book where I allowed myself to be truly vulnerable for the first time in an effort to help anyone that reads it connect to it and hopefully feel a little better about themselves. I'm trying to be the best mother that I can be and set the best example possible for my son. When something terrible happens to me or someone hurts me, I don't hold onto the resentment anymore. I try to practice empathy and look at things from the other perspective. I don't allow myself to play the victim or dramatize scenarios to try to extract sympathy from others. I've put up boundaries to protect myself from people that don't have good intentions for me. And I'm no longer settling in friendships because I learned the hard way that you are the company you keep.

Am I proud of all that I've accomplished? Of course. When I look at the family and life that I've created for myself, how could I not be? When I hold my college degree or my book, how can I not beam with pride? I worked hard for them and I deserve them. But if you asked me what I'm the most proud of myself for, it's the fact that I've grown. In the last few years alone, since I've opened myself up to change and growth, I've become a much happier person. I'm learning to let go of toxic traits and learning that my happiness is just as important as anyone else's. I've learned my triggers and searched deep within myself to try to understand who I am and why I feel the way I do. I'm trying to learn these lessons young to save myself years of toxicity or misery down the road. I can't go back and change the past. I can't give myself the chance to learn these lessons earlier. I can't make life easier for my younger self. But what I can do is make life easier for my current and future self. What I can do is be who I wish I was when I was 14 and strive to make that girl proud every single day.

So, would my 14-year-old self be proud of me? Absolutely. But what's even more important to me is that 26-year-old me is proud of me, too.

-Chelsea

Life Lesson #2

I've always been the type of person that tries to see the good in people, no matter what. If someone only showed me their negative traits, I would try really hard to find some positive ones. I refused to believe that they weren't more than what they were showing me. I believed this so hard that even if someone proved to me over and over again that they weren't good for me, that I would still give them more chances. I didn't like giving up on people. But I had to learn the hard way that sometimes, you have to take people at their word and realize that not every relationship that you have with someone is healthy.

Life Lesson #2: When someone shows you who they truly are, you gotta believe them. 

During my senior year of high school, someone new came into my life. We had a class or two together and I'd never met her before. But once she met me, she clung to me. It all happened so fast. One minute, I was just a classmate. The next minute, she was asking me to be her college roommate because we both wanted to attend the same college. Honestly, this freaked me out a bit but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I'd just met her. I didn't want to pass judgment too quickly.

Not long after this, I discovered that many of my friends, and one in particular, absolutely hated this girl. They warned me to stay away from her and told me that she was a snake. At first, I just brushed it off. I barely knew the girl and had no intention of spending any time with her anyway. But this girl learned where I hung out and eventually made her way into my life. She wasn't my favorite person but I found myself constantly justifying her behavior or words. I convinced myself that even though she was pushy, clingy, bossy, judgmental and full of herself that she was a good person. I ignored all of my gut feelings.

I didn't have the guts to tell her that I didn't like her and didn't want to be her friend, so I just put up with it. She eventually came to think that we were best friends, even though I didn't feel the same way. My friends were angry that I was spending so much time with her and trying to force a friendship that I knew couldn't last. But I so desperately wanted to believe she was a better person than she was.

But a hard dose of reality hit me when I told her that I couldn't hang out with her one day because I wanted to be with my boyfriend and she turned on me. After that, I was given the cold shoulder and things got out of hand. She threatened my sister, talked badly about me in front of my mother, started spreading lies about me around the school. It got so out of hand that her boyfriend, who was my boyfriend's friend, didn't want to hang out with us anymore because he didn't want to be in the middle of it. So I learned that I should've heeded the warning signs. I should've walked away when I had the chance. It would've saved me a lot of wasted time and heartache.

But she never hid who she was. She was upfront and honest about that from the beginning. I let her mistreat me. I let her cause tension between me and my friends. I let her take my time away when I didn't want her to. All because I didn't listen when she told me who she was. We haven't spoken in years and we've both moved on with our lives. And it's all for the best. As much as I didn't enjoy this experience, I can't say that I fully regret it because it taught me a valuable lesson. I won't make that mistake again.

So please don't get pulled in like I did. Don't convince yourself that someone isn't who they say they are. If I had listened, things would've turned out a lot differently. But, all the same, I'm glad that I learned that lesson early in my life. It would've made things much more difficult had I learned it at a later point. All I can say is that now that I've learned it, it's a lesson that I hold onto. The only thing that I try to focus on now is knowing who I am and being true to that. People are complicated but that doesn't mean that they hide their true selves. Their true selves are out there in the open. We just have to open our eyes and let ourselves see them. Trust me, it'll help you a lot in the long run.

-Chelsea

Life Lesson #1

In my last post, I discussed 24 life lessons that I've learned in my 24 years. I thought that it might be interesting to walk down memory lane and discuss how I learned those lessons. 

Life Lesson #1: No matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to like you. 

I grew up with a lot more insecurities than I'd like to admit. I was constantly fighting an internal battle. I wanted everyone to like me so badly that it ate at me when they didn't. That's not to say that a lot of people didn't like me. Looking back, I realize that the problem was much bigger in my head than it was in reality. But after a while, I realized that I was constantly jumping through hoops trying to make me people like me, no matter what. I was wasting precious energy trying to force relationships that weren't going to happen and didn't need to happen. I was searching for the approval of others when I should have been focusing on self-love and self-care. 

I always thought that the world was black and white and that everything about it was crystal clear. When I realized that wasn't true, it shook my reality quite a bit. I realized that things weren't so cut and dry and that things aren't always what they appear to be. I thought that if people didn't like me, it meant that I was a bad person or that I didn't fit in. But that wasn't true. 

I had to learn that the world is full of a variety of different people and personalities. And sometimes, of course, those personalities can clash. Not everyone is meant to have chemistry or relationships with everyone. And that's perfectly fine. My self worth shouldn't have been tied to how many friends I had or how many people I thought liked me. It didn't matter anyway. I was bending over backwards trying to get people I didn't like to like me, just because I thought that's what I needed. But their approval wasn't going to fill that void or emptiness that I was trying to fill. That could only be filled by me and my own self love and approval. 

It saddens me when I look back on my life and realize how much time and energy I wasted by trying to get other people to like me. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. The people that do matter are my friends, my family and myself. They are the only people that I need to concern myself with. Relationships can't be forced and at the end of the day, nobody can give you the peace or happiness that you can give yourself. Life is hard enough without you trying to make it even harder. So spend your time and energy focusing on what really matters and everything else will fall into place. You can't control the thoughts, feelings or opinions of others. But you can control how you spend your time. Use it wisely. 

-Chelsea 

24 Lessons I've Learned in 24 Years

My 25th birthday is coming up in less than 2 months and I honestly can't believe that. Where did all of that time go? It seems impossible that all of that time has passed but that's good because time flies when you're having fun. And I gotta say, that I've had a pretty blessed and fun life. But my life hasn't only been fun; it's been educational. I've learned a lot in these past 24 years and I thought that it'd be nice to share what I've learned.

1. No matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to like you.

2. When someone shows you who they truly are, you gotta believe them.

3. It isn't okay to judge people, especially if you don't know the whole story.

4. It is okay to agree to disagree.

5. If you aren't happy with something in your life, change it.

6. Don't care about what other people think. You have to live your life, not them.

7. Life is so much easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.

8. There are two types of relationships you can have with people. They can be a lesson or a blessing.

9. There will always be people that don't believe in you. Don't let yourself be one of them.

10. If you have the chance to compliment someone or support someone, do it. It could change their life.

11. There is no time table set for your life. Accomplish everything in your own time. It's okay. 

12. Never apologize for doing something you love.

13. If there is a will, there is a way.

14. It is never a sign of weakness to ask for help.

15. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone. It helps you grow.

16. Fear is a liar. Don't listen to it.

17.  Strive for positivity in a world of negativity.

18. Life doesn't always go according to plan and that's okay.

19. Don't depend on others to make you happy.

20. You are stronger than you ever knew.

21. It truly is the little things that matter.

22. Worrying about situations out of your control isn't helpful at all.

23. Time doesn't heal all wounds. It's what you do with that time that heals you.

24. It's okay to fail as long as you try.

At some point, I'd like to go more in-depth as to how I learned these lessons. But in the interest of not making an incredibly long post, I'll just save those stories for later. Stay tuned!

What has life taught you?

-Chelsea

5 Things That 2013 Taught Me

To say that 2013 was an eventful year for me would be a colossal understatement. 2013 showed me that a lot can happen in just one short year but it also taught me a lot.

1. Do what makes you happy- This year, I got a second chance at life and I did not let it go to waste. For once in my life, I focused on what I wanted and what made me happy and I am reaping some wonderful results. Like this blog, for instance.



2. Do things at your own time- Tons of people criticize me for getting married at 20 but it's none of their business. They tell me that I'm too young, too inexperienced and too naive to ever understand the complexity of marriage. I disagree. I got married at 20, to a soldier, realizing that I could be a widow at 21. It was my time and my decision and it felt right to me. Just because other people waited doesn't mean that I'm wrong for doing this and I will never regret my decision. Ever.



3. Be patient- Being separated from Kristopher (and still being separated) has been the hardest thing that I've ever done; it's literally agonizing. And I've always been an impatient person. But he's been gone for 7 months and he'll be home soon. And I would do it all over again because he has found where he belongs and he's so happy. So I've had to just know that this is my life and patiently wait for him every day. And when I finally get those kisses that I've been waiting for, they'll be that much sweeter.



4. Integrity is important- I've always been a very loyal and honest person. When I give you my word, it means something. Actually, scratch that; it means everything. But I've caught so many people in so many huge lies and they have now lost my trust. When you lose my trust, it's almost impossible to get it back. Promises are promises and it hurts when they're broken. So I've really learned just how important integrity is to me.



5. Family is everything- At the end of the day, they are the ones who are going to be holding you while you cry, supporting you during tough times and being your cheerleaders when you succeed. My family has been my rock for this entire 7 month journey and of course, all of the years before that. They have been counting down the days with me and not allowing me to be negative during this process. I feel so much stronger because of them.


What did 2013 teach you?

-Chelsea

What I've Learned This Week: Week 12

Hello, everyone! It's officially one week closer to Christmas and I'm really excited! I get my soldier back in two weeks and I can't stop thinking about it! But of course, I have enough material for this post! Enjoy!

I LEARNED THAT...



1. ... sometimes you have to face your fears to get your desired results. (It was oh-so worth it by the way.)

2. ... stress is a powerful thing and finding time to relax is key.

3. ... speaking your mind might get you in trouble but it's better than being taken advantage of. (at least in my case it was.)

4. ... reading truly is my escape and I prefer it to social media. (But I love blogging, of course.)

5. ... a watched pot never boils. I could use a bit more patience.

Well, that wraps up this week! Hope you all have a great weekend! I'm off to see the Rockettes tonight! I'm super excited!

What are you doing this weekend?

-Chelsea

What I've Learned This Week: Week 11

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope that you all have a wonderful dinner and time with your family and friends!

I normally do these posts on Fridays but I'll be traveling all day tomorrow and won't have time to blog. So here is one of the few times that I break a chain. Enjoy!



I LEARNED THAT...

1. ... family sticks together and really does have your back, even when times get tough.

2. ... watching Kelly's milestones in life are really important and make me happy.

3. ... sometimes you have to do what's right, instead of what's easiest.

4. ... being grateful for what you have is extremely important.

5. ... if you look very closely at the little moments, you'll see that's when people show that they really care.

That's all I got for this week! Tune in next week for the next post!

Once again, Happy Thanksgiving!

-Chelsea

What I've Learned This Week: Week 10

Another week down and I now have exactly 4 weeks until I get my soldier back! Now that it's getting close, I've been trying to distract myself more with school and staying busy. So here is what this week taught me!

I LEARNED THAT...

1. ... it's really important to pick your battles. Confrontation isn't always necessary.

2. ... surprises are the best gifts. :)

3. ... even on your worst days, if you look hard enough, you can find something to smile about.

4. ... shooting a gun (at the shooting range) is really fun.

5. ... life is about trying new things and not being afraid.

That about wraps it up for this week. It's certainly been an interesting one!

Have a great weekend!

-Chelsea

What I've Learned This Week: Week 9

Hello, everyone! I hope that you're having a wonderful week and enjoying some cool weather! It's significantly dropped in temperature where I'm at and I'm loving it! I've also had a really good week and I'm excited to share what I've learned with you!

I LEARNED THAT... 


1. ... if you want or need something, just say it. It doesn't help to hold it in.

2. ... change can happen in an instant and you just have to roll with it.

3. ... a simple "thank you" can mean so much.

4. ... trying new things can be really fun.

5. ... I need to just live in the moment.

That's all I've got for you this week! If you have anything you'd like to share, comment below! Have a great weekend!

-Chelsea

What I've Learned This Week: Week 8

This week has definitely been full of ups and downs for me but that's life, right? And in life, everything that happens to us teaches us something. Here's what I learned this week!

I LEARNED THAT...



1. ... forgiveness is not only for the other person, it's for you. Letting go of spite, hatred and hurt feelings in exchange for a second chance can be such a beautiful thing.

2. ... I am stronger than I ever could've imagined. Being an army wife isn't easy and it can make me crazy sometimes but I'm a survivor.

3. ... first impressions really are important.

4. ... stressing out only makes things worse. You're much more likely to succeed if you're calm and rational about the situation, instead of freaking yourself out over it.

5. ... people really can change.

That about wraps up today's post! What did you learn this week?

-Chelsea

What I've Learned This Week: Week 7

Welcome to another edition of What I've Learned This Week! Ironically, this is week 7 of the series and it is 7 weeks from today that my husband comes home on leave!

THIS WEEK I LEARNED THAT...



1. ... even though failure is hard, it really does help shape who you are. You can either stop trying or you can try again. I'm choosing to try again.

2. ... sometimes you have to cut people some slack. They're only human.

3. ... you shouldn't sweat the small stuff. If you do, it suddenly becomes the big stuff and becomes unnecessary stress. And trust me, no one wants that.

4. ... I'm slowly turning into my mother and I'm really happy about that, even if it was unintentional. I hope to be just like my mom when I'm older.

5. ... you can either let memories of past mistakes haunt you or you can learn from and laugh about them. It's all about perspective. Plus, most other people don't remember those mistakes anyway.

This week has definitely been an eye-opener but a good one, definitely.

What life lessons did you learn this week?

-Chelsea