Unapologetically Me

When I look back on my life, I realize that I've always apologized for being who I am. But I didn't truly see it until a friend of mine pointed it out to me. We were having a discussion about theatre (which I love dearly) and I realized that as I continued talking, I was getting more and more excited. I started worrying that she'd think I was some kind of geek for getting so excited about a show that I loved and I immediately started apologizing. She looked at me with such sincerity and said, "Chelsea, don't ever apologize for something you love, something that brings you so much happiness." She went on to tell me that one of the main reasons that she liked me was because I was so passionate. She said that she wished more people were like that. And in that moment I realized that I was apologizing for something that someone loved about me. I couldn't believe that something that I saw as a negative aspect of myself was something perceived as positive through another person's eyes. This conversation was a game-changer for me and it drastically changed how I viewed myself. Although this discussion happened months ago, it has stayed with me and has meant more to me than she'll ever know. (Thanks, Erin.)

She got me thinking about all of the times in my life that I've ever been embarrassed by who I was. I've lived my entire life trying not to disappoint people, trying to be the person that I thought that they wanted me to be. I wanted to believe that I wasn't someone that cared about what other people thought of them but if I'm being honest, that just wasn't true. I had the opposite problem. I cared too much. And now I realize just how utterly wrong that is. I can't count the number of times that I've said things like: "I'm sorry that I'm so annoying", "I'm sorry that I'm such a geek", "I'm sorry that I'm so neurotic", "I'm sorry that I'm so shy" or "I'm so sorry that I'm so emotional". It was as if I thought that having flaws made me a bad person or that I should be embarrassed by them. But now, more than ever, I know that isn't true.

I'm done trying to fit into boxes that I think other people want to put me in. I'm done trying to force myself to be someone else or a different version of myself. I'm done stressing myself out over becoming someone that I know I can never be and someone that I never wanted to be in the first place. I'm done with being embarrassed by my flaws. But most of all, I'm done apologizing for being me. From this moment on, I am completely embracing who I am, despite what anyone else thinks or wants of me. I am living for me. I am loving myself for everything I am and everything I'm not, everything that I've been and everything I will be. For my entire life, I've put the happiness of others ahead of my own. I thought that I was happy to do it and that I'd be selfish if I didn't do it. But I realized that I can't make everyone else happy, no matter how hard I try. So from now on, I'm going to focus on me and making myself happy. Hopefully, the rest will follow.

I am done running from who I am or hoping that people will love or like me despite my flaws. Every single little bit of me makes me who I am and I am so many things.

Stubborn. A Disnerd. Proud. Anxious. Neurotic. Silly. Fun. Smart. Confident. Hard-working. Determined. Loyal. Family-oriented. A sister. A wife. A daughter. A friend. A pole dancer. A nanny. Someone who loves corny movies. An athlete. A fan of theatre. A kid at heart. Giving. Nurturing. An over-thinker. Caring. Funny. Passionate. A book lover. A writer. A blogger. Emotional. A planner. Persistent. Critical. Grateful. Positive. Introverted.

In short, I am perfectly imperfect and it's incredibly freeing to know that no matter what, I'm enough.

These words describe just a small part of who I am. Some are good and some are bad. But I've learned to accept all of it because I truly believe that there's nobody else in the world that I'd rather be. I'm lucky. I have a family and a husband that love me, loyal friends that have stuck by my side through good times and bad, hobbies that I love and the opportunity to chase my dreams every single day.

I've learned that I can't control what other people think about me but it doesn't matter. I'm the only person who knows who I am, how I feel and what I've been through. The only thing that matters is what I think of myself. It doesn't matter what anyone's perceptions are of me because one day, if they really look hard enough, they'll see the real me. It took me a long time to realize that I don't need anyone's approval or permission for any aspect of how I want to live my life. But now that I do see that, there is no going back. And no matter what, at the end of the day, I love who I am and I'm proud to be me. I'm proud of who I've been, what I've gone through and who I am today. And I can't wait to see who I grow up to be. But I know that one thing is for sure, that I'll be Chelsea. And you know what? That's more than enough for me.

-Chelsea

We Could Be Best Friends (2)

A long time ago, I wrote a post called We Could Be Best Friends. In that post, I wrote a list of qualities that I have and said that if you share those qualities that we could be, well, best friends. Although everything in that list is still true, I thought that I'd add a few things since it's been so long and I've grown into a different person since then.

We could be best friends if:

• You have a zest for life 
• You're a pole dancer

• You love to watch corny movies
• A good book is the way to your heart
• You love to bake
• You treat your friends like family

• You view life differently than everyone else
• You crave adventure

I hope that this post helped you learn a little bit more about me. So what's the verdict? Could we be best friends?

-Chelsea

Color Run!

I've wanted to do a color run ever since I found out about them and a few weeks ago, I finally did one! It was definitely an interesting experience and I'm so glad that I can finally cross it off of my bucket list! I've never been much of a runner, so doing a 5k isn't something that's normally in my wheelhouse. But this year, I've really tried to focus on doing things that would get me out of my comfort zone. So I decided to give it a try. Now, I'm so glad that I can say that I've completed a color run and I'm extremely proud of myself for participating!

I don't know if I'll ever do another one but who knows? Never say never, right?

-Chelsea

White Water Rafting!

White water rafting has been at the top of my bucket list for quite a while and this past weekend, I finally did it! Kris and I went rafting with our friends Brandon and Ashley and it was an incredible day! We spent about 4 hours on the river. But not only did we white water raft, we swam and jumped off of a cliff and into the water! I jumped off the cliff four times! It was the most fun-filled and exhilarating day of my life! I'm so glad that I finally did it! If you're thinking about trying it, I would highly recommend it!

I'm so glad that I finally got to cross this off of my bucket list!

-Chelsea

Too Quickly

As I've gotten older, I've realized that time seems to pass much quicker than it did when I was a child. It amazes me just how quickly life can pass us by. It feels like just yesterday I was ten years old having a Sunday barbeque with my family and spending all day in the pool. Sometimes, I'm amazed that I'm old enough to be married, let alone be married for almost 3 years.

It seems impossible that I got my senior pictures taken 5 years ago.

I've always been someone that likes to plan as much of my life as possible. To say that I'm a control freak is an understatement. But lately, I've found myself trying not to rely on those plans. Instead, I've been trying to live my life in the moment and welcome whatever changes come my way. It's been an adjustment but life goes by too quickly to wait around for things to be exactly the way that I planned them to be.

So I'm going to do my best to live life to the fullest. I'm going to fit into life's plan instead of trying to get life to fit into my plans. I'm going to take whatever life throws at me and appreciate my life's journey as well as the destination.

-Chelsea