The people that care about me, like my parents, my husband and my friends, always tell me that they want to see me stand up for myself and what I believe in. It hurts them to know that for my entire life, I've stayed silent about things that hurt me and didn't give myself the respect that I've given other people. And now I truly understand that respect is not given, it is earned.
And I've also recently learned that standing up for myself and saying my piece does not mean that I'm being disrespectful. A few days ago, I wrote a post called Please Stop Asking Me This where I told people to stop asking me if I was upset that the child that I'm carrying is a boy. Of course I'm not. I'm thrilled. But that doesn't stop people from asking. And I'll be honest, when I posted that blog, I assumed that some people would have a negative response to it. Normally, I try not to step on peoples' toes and I avoid writing about things that people could find upsetting. But this had to be said. If people believed that they had the right to ask me that (and the nerve, quite frankly) then I definitely had the right to tell them to stop.
And I did receive some negative responses. I got a few messages from people that implied that I was wrong for posting about it and that I was wrong for telling people to stop talking to me that way. And you know what? I disagree. A very important lesson that I had to learn the hard way was that people are going to treat me the way that I let them treat me. And guess what? I'm not going to let anyone talk to me that way and I'm sure as heck not going to let anyone say that my son is not good enough. That will never happen. So by me posting that blog, I was finally making a step forward and standing up for not only myself but for my son.
When my son is growing up, I will be his advocate. There will be times when he will be too young to make his voice heard or make sure that he isn't taken advantage of. And you know what? It'll be my job to be his voice until he can use his own. And that is a responsibility that I am more than willing to take. But learning to stand up for myself was the first step because if I can't stand up for myself, how can I stand up for him? Or how can I teach him to stand up for himself?
I've never wanted to be the type of person that would ruffle feathers or say anything that could potentially unsettle others. I thought that I was spreading the message of tolerance and compassion. But apparently what I was telling people was "I won't make you uncomfortable but you're allowed to make me uncomfortable". And one of the first times that I use my voice, in that post, people had negative responses. But I'm not going to apologize for standing up for myself or my son. So if anyone is holding out for that apology, (sorry, not sorry) but it's not going to happen.
Now that I'm pregnant, I see the world differently and my priorities have shifted. My husband and I are no longer the center of my universe. Everything I do and every choice I make is now about my unborn child. I realize everything that I'm going to have to protect my child from and I will not let people treat my child the way that I let myself be treated. Everything has changed.
There is a scene in Broadway's Beauty and the Beast where Belle tells her father that she's changed. She said it was "no change of heart, a change in me". And I never really thought about what that meant but I think now I understand it. At my core, I am still the same person and I still have the same morals and values that I've always had. But there has been a change in me, one that I'm really proud of. I'm no longer going to let people hurt me or affect me. I'm going to use my voice, for myself and my son. I'm never going to let anyone ever make me feel bad for what I feel or what I think. I'm still going to be myself but I'm going to stop being afraid of speaking up. So, in the words of Belle, there's "no change of heart, a change in me". I'm so glad that I finally made it and I'm so much stronger now because of it.
-Chelsea
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