Blog Challenge, Day 18: A Childhood Memory

So today's challenge is to talk about a memory that we can remember very clearly. I am going to be honest, since most of my readers are people that I know, I don't like to give out their personal information or stories about them. Basically, that means that a lot of the stories that I want to tell, I don't feel comfortable telling. So instead, I'll tell a story about someone that I have not spoken to or seen in years and I'll do the best that I can.

By now, you should know that I don't have very many friends. I'm very shy, introverted and selective in my friends and in any aspect of my social life. So elementary school was really challenging for me. But in the third grade, I met a girl named Courtney who changed everything. I know that I mentioned in a previous blog that my best friend for most of my life was a boy that I met in the third grade but that was at the end of the year. These events all happened before I met him.

Courtney moved into my neighborhood not long after school started. As you can probably guess, I didn't have many friends and when she moved in, I was really excited. Then I found out that we were in the same class and it got even better. We bonded instantly and for the first time, I was going over to another girl's house, swimming, going to skating rinks, going out to lunch with her family, having sleepovers, etc. I finally had someone to bond to and really felt like I knew what it was like to have a best friend.

Courtney was a girl that came from a divorced family. Being a very sheltered child who lived with both of her parents, I didn't understand what divorce meant. But she lived with her father and stepmother and towards the end of the school year, they split up. I'm not sure why but Courtney and her father soon moved away, as well as her stepmother. It was heartbreaking to say goodbye to someone that I really felt that I needed and connected with. She was the only kid that I had met so far that accepted my personality and understood me because she was so much like me.

It was the first time that I had ever really experienced the loss of a friend. A friend of mine had moved away in kindergarten but I didn't remember him, so I don't count that experience. Courtney and I decided that she was going to write me when she got to her new home and we would be pen pals. Unfortunately, we only exchanged a few letters before we truly grew apart and got on with our lives and we were never able to visit each other. Luckily, I met my new best friend a few weeks later and we had a really steady, long friendship all the way through high school, so I guess it worked out okay.

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would've been if we had been able to stay friends but I can't dwell on what might have been. I was young, impressionable and not having Courtney seemed like the end of the world at the time. But I couldn't control everything and I had to let her go but hey... it sounds like life to me.

Introverts Are Awesome

                                    Enough said. :)

Today I discovered a page on Facebook entitled, "Introverts Are Awesome" and it touched me in a way that is beyond words. If you've read my previous blogs, you have figured out that I'm different from the "socially acceptable young woman." Personally, I think that there should be no way to define who is "normal" and who is "weird" but I digress because that is something that is out of my control.

For my entire life I struggled with this feeling of inadequacy because I didn't completely understand human interaction. I liked being alone; in fact, I thrived on it. Being alone gave me time to think, relax and essentially, recharge. However, while everyone else was out making memories with their friends, I would find myself wondering why it was that I couldn't be around other people very long.

Now, I am not saying that introverts don't like other people. I cannot clearly define every introvert's personality or feelings through this shared trait. I'm just saying that these qualities were prevalent all through my young life and they still are today.

Back to the Facebook page, it posts articles, pictures and quotes that explain the traits that many introverts share and finding it made me not feel so alone anymore. I realized that, yes, I'm different, but I'm not as weird as I thought I was. I just chose to live my life this way and that was okay. I've always said that you should march to the beat of your own drummer but if I told you that I never wanted to be an extrovert, I'd be lying through my teeth. But I realize that I need to stay true to myself because when I tried to be that way, I just couldn't do it because it didn't make me happy. It wasn't who I was and I wasn't willing to change.

I liked who I was, most of the time, and didn't understand why other people didn't feel the same way about me. Sure, I was a bit socially awkward but that was because being around any sized group of people made me feel nervous, uncomfortable and like a bug under a microscope. I felt that those people could see right through me and my fake confidence, which didn't make me feel any better. In fact, it always made the situation worse than it already was.

Now, introverts are not people that sit home alone every single day and wallow in misery. Most of them like to be alone with their thoughts for a little bit and then have some social contact with a small, intimate group of friends. They are also known for being extremely creative, which probably explains my love of reading and writing books. So even though some people see introverts as weird, different, or even in some extreme cases, freaks, without them, there would be no music, books, poetry, etc. (That is not to say that an extrovert has never done anything creative. I'm just trying to make a generalized point.)

Here are some snippets from the page that I relate to:

• "People think that you're depressed but you really just like to be alone."
• "The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before."
• "No, I am not lost in a book. I am finding all it has to offer."
• "Don't ever accept my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance or my kindness for weakness."
• "No one understands your intense dislike of talking on the phone or answering your door."

So, as you can see, I am slowly starting to come to terms with who I was and who I am. I am transforming into a woman that can be comfortable in her own skin and not care that she'd rather write blogs on a Friday night than go out to a night club with her extroverted friends. It does make me feel better though that there are people out there who understand exactly what I'm going through and that they have accepted themselves too. This world would be a lot better if people would stop judging others and they just started accepting people for who they really are.

People just need to be aware of the fact that certain people think differently than others and that doesn't make them weird or bad people. It just makes them human. Life would be boring if everyone had the same personality or everyone used the same thought processes. Slowly but surely, I think that we are moving in the right direction to get to that place where tolerance, acceptance and love are more prevalent throughout our everyday lives. We're not quite there yet, though. It's going to take some time but hey... sounds like life to me.

If you are an introvert or you are just looking for more information about introverts, here is a link to the Facebook page that I have been speaking of. Feel free to just check it out or even "like" it. :)

https://www.facebook.com/IntrovertsAreAwesome/photos_stream

I'm Different

Lettin' out my inner Snow White. :)

I've always known this. There's always been a part of me that has been different from everyone else. It used to be something that really bothered me but now, it's something that I embrace with pride. I am who I am and I love myself because of it. I would ask myself things like, "Why am I so different?" and "What's wrong with me?" It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't my fault and I am not as weird as I thought I was.

Let me explain, while most high school and middle school students go to the movies or parties on the weekends, I spent my free time reading library books and watching Disney movies on my couch. It made me happy but it also made me feel really left out because other kids didn't seem to want to hang out with me. I often felt really lonely growing up because I only had 2 really close friends. I loved those 2 friends very much but I felt very limited because when they weren't around, I didn't have anyone else.

So I would put myself down a lot and many nights, I cried myself to sleep. It took me years and a lot of therapy to learn to love myself but eventually, I was able to do it. It was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. To learn and to accept yourself takes a lot of soul-searching and confronting your own inner demons. After years of not only telling myself how weird and worthless that I was, it was nearly impossible for me to look in the mirror and like what I saw.

But now, I walk with confidence and I show my personality so much more. I wear my silliness, my joy for life and my 100-watt smile without a care in the world. I've never been happier because of it. I had to learn that the only people that I need in life are the people that care about and love me, like my family, my husband and my best friends. I realized that if I really wanted to be friends with and hang out with all of those other people, then I would've found a way to do just that. I wouldn't have spent my nights on my couch with popcorn watching The Little Mermaid. It was in my control just as much as it was in everyone elses'. 

I still only have a few friends and I still spend most of my nights reading library books but I love every second of it. It's just who I am. I am an introvert and I am proud of it. I would much rather be alone and be happy than be off partying somewhere with people that I don't like. Plus, now that I'm married, I know that I'm pretty perfect, even if it's only in one person's eyes. :)

Dr. Seuss has an infamous quote that has transcended time, "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” That quote rings true, especially in circumstances like the one I have been talking about. I don't regret who I was or how I felt. I had to go through my own journey of self discovery before I learned to appreciate and love who I grew up to be. I admire my uniqueness because so many people today are sheep, people who only do things because everyone else is doing it. Learning that the fact that everyone is different and that's a good thing was extremely eye-opening but I appreciate it all the same because hey... it sounds like life to me.