Bittersweet

                             This picture completely captures our personalities. :)

As I have mentioned in my previous posts, May 12th was my wedding day! Kris and I got married at 5:30 p.m. and it felt like the day was going by extremely slow! I was just so excited to get the party started that it literally felt like the longest day of my life. I was going crazy for most of the day because of my excitement but my family had to constantly remind me to wind down so I wouldn´t lose all of my energy for the reception.

However, as my excitement was very prominent throughout the day, so was my sadness. The realization that my baby would be leaving me 8 days later really hit me. The entire process had been bittersweet to say the least. The closer the wedding got, the closer it was for his time to leave. It made me feel bad for wishing that the day would take longer to get here but I just wanted him with me.

The day was as amazing as it could have been. We had paid for an outdoor ceremony at this gorgeous venue but it did not work out because there was a thunderstorm. However, there was a covered area at the other end of the venue and we ended up using that instead. It ended up working really well because instead of doing what most people do, which is walking only towards the officiant and their fiance, I walked to all of my guests as well.

The ceremony was held on an elevated stage and our entire families were circled around us, listening intently to our vows and crying. The fact that they were all so touched made me feel really special and loved. I also loved that while I was walking toward everyone, I could see all of their tears. I had already felt so unbelievably beautiful in my dress but seeing our families drop their jaws when they saw me was the icing on the cake.

I had to try so hard not to cry during the ceremony and it all went by very quickly. People had been telling me for weeks how nervous I was going to be that day and to be honest, I didn´t feel that. I loved Kris and I knew that I wanted to be with him forever. I said yes to his proposal and I´d been planning this wedding for months. I knew that this day was coming, so why would I be nervous? Honestly, I was more nervous about our first dance.

Kris and I are not dancers at all and we had secretly choreographed part of our dance. Our first dance as husband and wife was ¨So Close" by Jon McLoughlin. The song starts out slow, gets fast and then goes back to slow. So Kris and I thought that it would be fun to choreograph the fast part of the dance. During our photo-shoot, it was hard to lift my dress off of the ground, so I became extremely anxious when it was time for our dance because there was a lift involved.

 However, the dance went off smoothly and perfectly and everyone let out a surprised expression as Kris and I sashayed across the dance floor and I was hoisted into the air. It was one of the most amazing moments of our wedding because we felt so accomplished and proud of ourselves for all of that hard work, which proved to be quite a big success.

Kris and I both don´t like to party and are not used to being the center of attention. So when the wedding was happening, it was the most foreign thing in the world to us when everyone´s eyes were glued to us. But we embraced it and we danced and partied more than we ever had. We let loose and we didn´t care about anything except having a good time and being together.

I had spent months planning this wedding and was stressing out the smallest details for a long time because so many people were shoving their opinions in my face. People were telling me what I was doing wrong and how I was ¨supposed to¨ do things. It was like they thought that there was some rule book for how every single wedding should be planned. This annoyed me to no end because I had never wanted a big wedding. I was not the 6-year-old little girl that loved playing dress up with her mommy´s veil and envisioned getting married with 10 bridesmaids and a chocolate fountain. I wanted to elope. So this whole process was bittersweet because when I started this planning event, I couldn´t even enjoy it.

The thing is, I wanted advice and I needed help. But the people that I didn´t want advice from, ended up being the only ones that wanted to give it. Everyone that was telling me what to do or giving me ¨advice¨ fell into one of two categories: 1. Old School/Traditional or 2. Control Freak. People were trying to tell me how to decorate, where to put my cake, what songs I should dance to, where I should have the wedding, blah blah blah...

When I didn´t take their opinions, everyone got angry. But the thing is, I didn´t have to listen to them and they struggled with that concept. They chose to give me their opinions and I chose not to use them. It was as simple as that and I didn´t need a guilt trip because MY wedding wasn´t ¨their way.¨ I had enough stress as it was.

The thing that people didn´t understand was that most of their ¨advice¨ was unsolicited and therefore, unwanted. I didn´t want a hall. I didn´t want 10 bridesmaids. I didn´t want fancy invitations. People were even trying to tell me when I should have kids and how many I should have, which is definitely a conversation that is between my husband and I. Most of these people didn´t understand that they were not even originally invited because we were going to elope! Yet they felt that their opinions needed to be heard. This is where it got tricky.

I am, by nature, a people-pleaser. I want to do whatever it takes to make other people happy, even if it is at the expense of my own happiness. So that made it extremely difficult to plan a wedding because I was worried if people would like the food, if they would like the music, if they would like the cake and the list went on and on and on.... Very quickly, this wedding became something that was not fun to plan anymore and it felt like a chore. I am not a traditional bride by any means. (Kris and I wore Disney Mickey Mouse ears to our reception for crying out loud.) Therefore, I wasn´t happy when people were trying to force me to use their traditional ideas. But as soon as I realized that this day was mine and Kris´ and I stopped caring about pleasing anyone but us, it became fun again and I gained that sassy ¨I don´t care what you want¨ attitude.

What people need to realize is that I don´t care if you didn´t like my dress. You are not going to be the one that has to look at it in a wedding album 20 years from now and be proud of it. I don´t care if you didn´t like the cake. If you don´t like it, don´t eat it. You get the point. But May 12th is my day to look back on when I´m older and say, ¨That was the best day of my life." And it was.

But now is the hard part. At 11 a.m. on Monday morning, my baby goes down to the hotel where he will be staying at and gets the last-minute details worked out and on Tuesday, he leaves for Oklahoma. It will definitely be the hardest 2 months of my life. After that, he goes away for 9 months of training and I still can´t go with him.

To top it all off, I was sick for 80 percent of our honeymoon. I´ve been spending all of this time and energy trying to give him the most amazing last few weeks and I have not been able to give him everything that I think that he deserves. And now he´s leaving. My other half, my best friend, my husband. He is my rock, my strength and the one that I´m meant to spend my life making him smile. This time without him is going to be difficult but it´s his dream. I wouldn´t be a good wife if I didn´t let him chase his dreams and follow him. I support him, I love him and I want him to be the best Kris that he can be.

It´s just hard to imagine my mornings without hearing, ¨Good morning beautiful." We have only been married for a few days and I am not even used to being called his wife yet. But the time will be over before I know it and we can start our new life together with security and protection for us and our future kids. All of this craziness is about to start all over again, only just after we got a short break (our honeymoon) but it´s all an unpredictable journey and it´s bittersweet. But hey.... sounds like life to me.

I Got My Mom A Son-In-Law For Mother's Day

Me and my hubby! :) 

One day each year is set aside to celebrate one of the most important people in our lives, Mother's Day. The irony of this day is that mothers celebrate their kids every day and they don't ever ask for anything in return.

In my opinion, one day a year is not enough recognition for the people who stay up late nursing us when we're sick, help us with our homework, feed us, cloth us and run us to soccer practice three times a week. Yet, I do recognize the importance of showing them just how much they mean to us.

Now most people that I know get up early and make their mothers breakfast in bed, make them a homemade present/card or take them out for dinner. Every year I pretty much do the same thing but sometimes I write my mom poems expressing my love and appreciation for her. But this year, I'm doing something a little different: I'm getting her a son-in-law.

Never in a million years did I picture myself getting married at such a young age but that's the crazy thing about life: the best things come in moments of surprise. You can't really plan your future because things almost never work out the way that you want them too.

In theory, my fiance and I were going to wait until November of 2016 to get married. But with him joining the military, us moving and our lives turning upside-down, we embraced the wedding early. We grabbed on tight with both hands and held on as best as we could. Now the whole process of enlisting, leaving for boot camp and trying to get everything signed and ready in time has been stressful. To add to the stress, we decided to get married on Mother's Day.

That was, by no means, not the original plan. Since we got together in November, we had always planned on a November wedding. But we chose May 12th 2013 because that was the one year anniversary of the day that he proposed and he was leaving for boot camp the week after. We wanted to have a big blowout celebration before he left for 11 months of training and we were separated. This whole thing has been so much to take in and we didn't even know that it was Mother's Day until after we had picked it and started planning.

Now a lot of people decided not to come just because of it being on Mother's Day and a lot of people had accused me of being selfish for not devoting the entire day to my mother. If I'm going to be honest, I don't think that everyone spends 24/7 with their mothers that day but that's not my business. But the only person whose opinion I cared about on the subject was my mother, who shared with me that she loves the fact that it's on Mother's Day.

What better way for my mother to celebrate Mother's Day than by throwing an amazing party, dancing the night away and knowing that she made her oldest daughter's dream come true? She has given me so much (so has my father but that will be discussed in a future blog) and has not complained once about the date. But I look at it like this: there is nothing better I could have given her better than my fiance.

While that may seem a little odd, she will know that I will be happy, secure, taken care of and she'll know that I'll be married to a man that she can be proud to call her son-in-law. In my opinion, there is no more respected career than being in any branch of the military and she can be proud of who we are as a couple. But my mom will know that I'll be insured, that I'll be safe, that I'll be financially stable and that I will have had a dream come true because of how incredibly wonderful she is.

I know that I talk a lot about my mom in my blogs but it is because I relate to her so much and we are so close. She makes me feel safe, at home, loved, strong, appreciated, intelligent and respected. Although I wish that I could devote an entire day to her, I'm giving her a reason to dress up, dance, have fun and forget about her problems for a few hours. To me, that is the best thing that I could give her, gift-wrapped or not and I only hope that one day that she will be as proud of me as I am of her.

I can truly say that if I grow up to be half the mom or woman that she is, I did something right. I can come talk to her about any problem, no matter how big or small and she will not judge me. I can also count on her to always be 100 percent honest with me. She is truly my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her. I know that everyone thinks that they have the best mom in the world and that's fine, you can think that. But I know in my heart that my mom is the best because she does everything for me, she's my world, my rock and my true best friend.

 It's going to kill me when I pack my bags and move out and I know that I'll be crying my eyes out when I have to let go of her and say goodbye. But I'll be able to do it because I'll be the woman that she raised me to be and because of that, I'll be ready.

 One day on a calendar is not enough to show my mother how much she means to me and how much it would kill me to be without her, so I try to tell her everyday but I know it's not enough to make up for everything that she's ever done for me. I'll be in her debt for the rest of my life and it'll kill me to leave my mama bird's nest but hey... sounds like life to me.

I love you Mom, more than you'll ever know. (I'm crying as I'm writing this.) Thank you for being you. I wouldn't have it any other way. No matter what, you'll always be perfect to me, Princess. :)