As I have mentioned in my previous posts, May 12th was my wedding day! Kris and I got married at 5:30 p.m. and it felt like the day was going by extremely slow! I was just so excited to get the party started that it literally felt like the longest day of my life. I was going crazy for most of the day because of my excitement but my family had to constantly remind me to wind down so I wouldn´t lose all of my energy for the reception.
However, as my excitement was very prominent throughout the day, so was my sadness. The realization that my baby would be leaving me 8 days later really hit me. The entire process had been bittersweet to say the least. The closer the wedding got, the closer it was for his time to leave. It made me feel bad for wishing that the day would take longer to get here but I just wanted him with me.
The day was as amazing as it could have been. We had paid for an outdoor ceremony at this gorgeous venue but it did not work out because there was a thunderstorm. However, there was a covered area at the other end of the venue and we ended up using that instead. It ended up working really well because instead of doing what most people do, which is walking only towards the officiant and their fiance, I walked to all of my guests as well.
The ceremony was held on an elevated stage and our entire families were circled around us, listening intently to our vows and crying. The fact that they were all so touched made me feel really special and loved. I also loved that while I was walking toward everyone, I could see all of their tears. I had already felt so unbelievably beautiful in my dress but seeing our families drop their jaws when they saw me was the icing on the cake.
I had to try so hard not to cry during the ceremony and it all went by very quickly. People had been telling me for weeks how nervous I was going to be that day and to be honest, I didn´t feel that. I loved Kris and I knew that I wanted to be with him forever. I said yes to his proposal and I´d been planning this wedding for months. I knew that this day was coming, so why would I be nervous? Honestly, I was more nervous about our first dance.
Kris and I are not dancers at all and we had secretly choreographed part of our dance. Our first dance as husband and wife was ¨So Close" by Jon McLoughlin. The song starts out slow, gets fast and then goes back to slow. So Kris and I thought that it would be fun to choreograph the fast part of the dance. During our photo-shoot, it was hard to lift my dress off of the ground, so I became extremely anxious when it was time for our dance because there was a lift involved.
However, the dance went off smoothly and perfectly and everyone let out a surprised expression as Kris and I sashayed across the dance floor and I was hoisted into the air. It was one of the most amazing moments of our wedding because we felt so accomplished and proud of ourselves for all of that hard work, which proved to be quite a big success.
Kris and I both don´t like to party and are not used to being the center of attention. So when the wedding was happening, it was the most foreign thing in the world to us when everyone´s eyes were glued to us. But we embraced it and we danced and partied more than we ever had. We let loose and we didn´t care about anything except having a good time and being together.
I had spent months planning this wedding and was stressing out the smallest details for a long time because so many people were shoving their opinions in my face. People were telling me what I was doing wrong and how I was ¨supposed to¨ do things. It was like they thought that there was some rule book for how every single wedding should be planned. This annoyed me to no end because I had never wanted a big wedding. I was not the 6-year-old little girl that loved playing dress up with her mommy´s veil and envisioned getting married with 10 bridesmaids and a chocolate fountain. I wanted to elope. So this whole process was bittersweet because when I started this planning event, I couldn´t even enjoy it.
The thing is, I wanted advice and I needed help. But the people that I didn´t want advice from, ended up being the only ones that wanted to give it. Everyone that was telling me what to do or giving me ¨advice¨ fell into one of two categories: 1. Old School/Traditional or 2. Control Freak. People were trying to tell me how to decorate, where to put my cake, what songs I should dance to, where I should have the wedding, blah blah blah...
When I didn´t take their opinions, everyone got angry. But the thing is, I didn´t have to listen to them and they struggled with that concept. They chose to give me their opinions and I chose not to use them. It was as simple as that and I didn´t need a guilt trip because MY wedding wasn´t ¨their way.¨ I had enough stress as it was.
The thing that people didn´t understand was that most of their ¨advice¨ was unsolicited and therefore, unwanted. I didn´t want a hall. I didn´t want 10 bridesmaids. I didn´t want fancy invitations. People were even trying to tell me when I should have kids and how many I should have, which is definitely a conversation that is between my husband and I. Most of these people didn´t understand that they were not even originally invited because we were going to elope! Yet they felt that their opinions needed to be heard. This is where it got tricky.
I am, by nature, a people-pleaser. I want to do whatever it takes to make other people happy, even if it is at the expense of my own happiness. So that made it extremely difficult to plan a wedding because I was worried if people would like the food, if they would like the music, if they would like the cake and the list went on and on and on.... Very quickly, this wedding became something that was not fun to plan anymore and it felt like a chore. I am not a traditional bride by any means. (Kris and I wore Disney Mickey Mouse ears to our reception for crying out loud.) Therefore, I wasn´t happy when people were trying to force me to use their traditional ideas. But as soon as I realized that this day was mine and Kris´ and I stopped caring about pleasing anyone but us, it became fun again and I gained that sassy ¨I don´t care what you want¨ attitude.
What people need to realize is that I don´t care if you didn´t like my dress. You are not going to be the one that has to look at it in a wedding album 20 years from now and be proud of it. I don´t care if you didn´t like the cake. If you don´t like it, don´t eat it. You get the point. But May 12th is my day to look back on when I´m older and say, ¨That was the best day of my life." And it was.
But now is the hard part. At 11 a.m. on Monday morning, my baby goes down to the hotel where he will be staying at and gets the last-minute details worked out and on Tuesday, he leaves for Oklahoma. It will definitely be the hardest 2 months of my life. After that, he goes away for 9 months of training and I still can´t go with him.
To top it all off, I was sick for 80 percent of our honeymoon. I´ve been spending all of this time and energy trying to give him the most amazing last few weeks and I have not been able to give him everything that I think that he deserves. And now he´s leaving. My other half, my best friend, my husband. He is my rock, my strength and the one that I´m meant to spend my life making him smile. This time without him is going to be difficult but it´s his dream. I wouldn´t be a good wife if I didn´t let him chase his dreams and follow him. I support him, I love him and I want him to be the best Kris that he can be.
It´s just hard to imagine my mornings without hearing, ¨Good morning beautiful." We have only been married for a few days and I am not even used to being called his wife yet. But the time will be over before I know it and we can start our new life together with security and protection for us and our future kids. All of this craziness is about to start all over again, only just after we got a short break (our honeymoon) but it´s all an unpredictable journey and it´s bittersweet. But hey.... sounds like life to me.
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