Life Lesson #2

I've always been the type of person that tries to see the good in people, no matter what. If someone only showed me their negative traits, I would try really hard to find some positive ones. I refused to believe that they weren't more than what they were showing me. I believed this so hard that even if someone proved to me over and over again that they weren't good for me, that I would still give them more chances. I didn't like giving up on people. But I had to learn the hard way that sometimes, you have to take people at their word and realize that not every relationship that you have with someone is healthy.

Life Lesson #2: When someone shows you who they truly are, you gotta believe them. 

During my senior year of high school, someone new came into my life. We had a class or two together and I'd never met her before. But once she met me, she clung to me. It all happened so fast. One minute, I was just a classmate. The next minute, she was asking me to be her college roommate because we both wanted to attend the same college. Honestly, this freaked me out a bit but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I'd just met her. I didn't want to pass judgment too quickly.

Not long after this, I discovered that many of my friends, and one in particular, absolutely hated this girl. They warned me to stay away from her and told me that she was a snake. At first, I just brushed it off. I barely knew the girl and had no intention of spending any time with her anyway. But this girl learned where I hung out and eventually made her way into my life. She wasn't my favorite person but I found myself constantly justifying her behavior or words. I convinced myself that even though she was pushy, clingy, bossy, judgmental and full of herself that she was a good person. I ignored all of my gut feelings.

I didn't have the guts to tell her that I didn't like her and didn't want to be her friend, so I just put up with it. She eventually came to think that we were best friends, even though I didn't feel the same way. My friends were angry that I was spending so much time with her and trying to force a friendship that I knew couldn't last. But I so desperately wanted to believe she was a better person than she was.

But a hard dose of reality hit me when I told her that I couldn't hang out with her one day because I wanted to be with my boyfriend and she turned on me. After that, I was given the cold shoulder and things got out of hand. She threatened my sister, talked badly about me in front of my mother, started spreading lies about me around the school. It got so out of hand that her boyfriend, who was my boyfriend's friend, didn't want to hang out with us anymore because he didn't want to be in the middle of it. So I learned that I should've heeded the warning signs. I should've walked away when I had the chance. It would've saved me a lot of wasted time and heartache.

But she never hid who she was. She was upfront and honest about that from the beginning. I let her mistreat me. I let her cause tension between me and my friends. I let her take my time away when I didn't want her to. All because I didn't listen when she told me who she was. We haven't spoken in years and we've both moved on with our lives. And it's all for the best. As much as I didn't enjoy this experience, I can't say that I fully regret it because it taught me a valuable lesson. I won't make that mistake again.

So please don't get pulled in like I did. Don't convince yourself that someone isn't who they say they are. If I had listened, things would've turned out a lot differently. But, all the same, I'm glad that I learned that lesson early in my life. It would've made things much more difficult had I learned it at a later point. All I can say is that now that I've learned it, it's a lesson that I hold onto. The only thing that I try to focus on now is knowing who I am and being true to that. People are complicated but that doesn't mean that they hide their true selves. Their true selves are out there in the open. We just have to open our eyes and let ourselves see them. Trust me, it'll help you a lot in the long run.

-Chelsea

Life Lesson #1

In my last post, I discussed 24 life lessons that I've learned in my 24 years. I thought that it might be interesting to walk down memory lane and discuss how I learned those lessons. 

Life Lesson #1: No matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to like you. 

I grew up with a lot more insecurities than I'd like to admit. I was constantly fighting an internal battle. I wanted everyone to like me so badly that it ate at me when they didn't. That's not to say that a lot of people didn't like me. Looking back, I realize that the problem was much bigger in my head than it was in reality. But after a while, I realized that I was constantly jumping through hoops trying to make me people like me, no matter what. I was wasting precious energy trying to force relationships that weren't going to happen and didn't need to happen. I was searching for the approval of others when I should have been focusing on self-love and self-care. 

I always thought that the world was black and white and that everything about it was crystal clear. When I realized that wasn't true, it shook my reality quite a bit. I realized that things weren't so cut and dry and that things aren't always what they appear to be. I thought that if people didn't like me, it meant that I was a bad person or that I didn't fit in. But that wasn't true. 

I had to learn that the world is full of a variety of different people and personalities. And sometimes, of course, those personalities can clash. Not everyone is meant to have chemistry or relationships with everyone. And that's perfectly fine. My self worth shouldn't have been tied to how many friends I had or how many people I thought liked me. It didn't matter anyway. I was bending over backwards trying to get people I didn't like to like me, just because I thought that's what I needed. But their approval wasn't going to fill that void or emptiness that I was trying to fill. That could only be filled by me and my own self love and approval. 

It saddens me when I look back on my life and realize how much time and energy I wasted by trying to get other people to like me. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. The people that do matter are my friends, my family and myself. They are the only people that I need to concern myself with. Relationships can't be forced and at the end of the day, nobody can give you the peace or happiness that you can give yourself. Life is hard enough without you trying to make it even harder. So spend your time and energy focusing on what really matters and everything else will fall into place. You can't control the thoughts, feelings or opinions of others. But you can control how you spend your time. Use it wisely. 

-Chelsea 

24 Lessons I've Learned in 24 Years

My 25th birthday is coming up in less than 2 months and I honestly can't believe that. Where did all of that time go? It seems impossible that all of that time has passed but that's good because time flies when you're having fun. And I gotta say, that I've had a pretty blessed and fun life. But my life hasn't only been fun; it's been educational. I've learned a lot in these past 24 years and I thought that it'd be nice to share what I've learned.

1. No matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to like you.

2. When someone shows you who they truly are, you gotta believe them.

3. It isn't okay to judge people, especially if you don't know the whole story.

4. It is okay to agree to disagree.

5. If you aren't happy with something in your life, change it.

6. Don't care about what other people think. You have to live your life, not them.

7. Life is so much easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.

8. There are two types of relationships you can have with people. They can be a lesson or a blessing.

9. There will always be people that don't believe in you. Don't let yourself be one of them.

10. If you have the chance to compliment someone or support someone, do it. It could change their life.

11. There is no time table set for your life. Accomplish everything in your own time. It's okay. 

12. Never apologize for doing something you love.

13. If there is a will, there is a way.

14. It is never a sign of weakness to ask for help.

15. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone. It helps you grow.

16. Fear is a liar. Don't listen to it.

17.  Strive for positivity in a world of negativity.

18. Life doesn't always go according to plan and that's okay.

19. Don't depend on others to make you happy.

20. You are stronger than you ever knew.

21. It truly is the little things that matter.

22. Worrying about situations out of your control isn't helpful at all.

23. Time doesn't heal all wounds. It's what you do with that time that heals you.

24. It's okay to fail as long as you try.

At some point, I'd like to go more in-depth as to how I learned these lessons. But in the interest of not making an incredibly long post, I'll just save those stories for later. Stay tuned!

What has life taught you?

-Chelsea

The Baby Names Tag

For those of you that don't know me personally, I have some news for you... You probably guessed from the title of this post but my husband and I are expecting our first child! We are due in late July and are so excited to grow our little family! So I thought that it would be fun to do a baby-related tag since my mind seems literally obsessed with all things baby lately! My husband and I have not officially decided what we are naming our little bundle of joy, so our top choices for names will not be included in this tag because we want the name of our baby to be a surprise. 

T A G   Q U E S T I O N S:

1. What is your favourite boy and girl's name from the top UK names list (2015)?

My favorite girl's name from the list is Emma but my husband and I won't be using it because we have a niece named Emma. As for the boy's list, my favorite is Jack. But we can't have a son named Jack because we have a dog named Jax and that would be weird. 

2. What is your least favourite boy and girl's name from the top UK names list (2015)?

I don't want to insult anybody's taste in names/name, so I'm gonna skip this one. 

3. If you had twins, what would you name them? (G/G, B/B, B/G)

(Again, I'm only putting names that I like, not names that I'll actually be using for this baby). I love classic, traditional names. I'm not really into trendy names or spelling names differently to make them more unique. It's just not my personal style but I can totally understand why some parents want to do that. 

So if I had a boy and a girl, I think I'd choose short, classic names like Jack and Lucy. If I had two boys, I think I'd choose Austin and Logan. For two girls I think I'd pick Erin and Madison. I think all of those names go together pretty well. 

4. If you could change your name to anything, what would it be?

I think I could probably pull off Shawna, Anna or maybe Jenny. But out of those three, I think I'd pick Shawna. 

5. You have 4 children, any gender. Their first names all have to start with the same letter. What would their names be?

For this I'm going to choose the letter J. I think that James, Jude, Jesse and Julie are all really nice names. If this baby is a boy, I'd love to name him James but it doesn't go with the middle name that we've picked out. Maybe we will get to use it some time in the future. :)

6. What's your favourite animal-inspired name?

Maybe something like Fawn or Colt. I think those are pretty interesting. 

7. What's your favourite colour-inspired name?

I think that the name Violet is really pretty. Also, I used to babysit a little boy named Grey, which I think is a pretty cool name. 

8. What are your top 3 favourite boy names?

(Again, I'm only putting names that I like, not the actual name of the child I'm carrying. These are names that I like but can't use because I know someone with that name or I know someone that has a child with that name.)

Cameron, Aaron and Hunter. 

9. What are your top 3 favourite girl names?

(Same disclaimer as above.)

Hailey, Allison and Addison.

10. What is your favourite celebrity baby name?

Rachel Bilson has a daughter named Briar Rose, like Sleeping Beauty. So I think that's pretty awesome. 

11. What is your ultimate guilty pleasure name?

I don't really understand what that means. I don't feel guilty about liking names.

12. What are your most hated baby names?

I'm gonna skip this one, too. 

13. Choose a baby name based on a food/drink.

I think the name Bree (like Brie) is pretty. I'd like it to be short for Breanna. 

14. Choose a baby name based on a month.

Since I was born in April, I'm gonna choose that. :)

15. Choose a baby name from a movie.

When I was younger, I really loved the movie "Ella Enchanted". In the beginning of the movie, the baby, Ella, was cursed with the gift of obedience. I loved Ella as a character, so I'm going with Ella. 

16. Choose a name that is already in your family.

My cousin has a daughter named Loralei, which always makes me think of Gilmore Girls. But that's okay because I loved that show. :) 

This was such a fun way to share names that I love but can't/won't use! If you're interested in filling it out, please do! And leave a link! I'd love to see your answers! 

-Chelsea 

The Man in the Mirror

There is no escaping the fact that our country is extremely divided right now. I normally make it a point to avoid talking about topics that could be seen as controversial, such as religion or politics. But I have to make an exception this one time because this has been weighing on my mind for quite some time.

Whether it is racism, differing political views or whether or not it is disrespectful for NFL players to take a knee during the national anthem, Americans are upset. And don't get me wrong, people have a right to be upset about important issues. But I have realized that even though people go on the various social media outlets and post about their anger towards the different situation, no one is actually doing anything.

I can understand using social media accounts to spread awareness for issues. I applaud that. But what I don't understand is people going on social media outlets and spreading hate or complaining about issues without actually doing anything about them. Every time that I log into my Facebook account, I see at least a dozen posts from various people talking about how our country is in trouble. But often times, they are complaining about other people. They say things like, "If only these people thought the way that I thought, things would be better" or "If only these people would stop acting the way that I don't want them to, the world would be a better place".

I recognize that there are tons of people in our country that are not acting the way that they should. But berating people that you don't know on Facebook doesn't do anything to solve the actual problem. Why don't people focus on the man in the mirror instead? Why don't people stop waiting for other people to make changes and make changes themselves instead? Posting your annoyances on Facebook is literally the least that you can do to make change. I guarantee that absolutely nothing will happen. But you know what can happen? You can start making positive changes in your life and start doing your best to make the lives of others better.

Kindness is contagious but for some reason, people choose to spread hate because they think that it's easier. It's easier to complain about an issue instead of actually doing something about it. But if you're unhappy about anything in this life, it is up to you to do something about it. Not anyone else.

Social media was created to help people keep in touch with their friends and to share your lives with others. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., are great outlets for spreading awareness of issues as well. But it isn't an outlet for you to cram your political opinions down my throat. It is not an acceptable place to bash the opinions of others just because they disagree with you. It is not a platform for you to whine about how the world is unfair even though you are doing nothing to change it.

Look at the man in the mirror and realize that change truly does start with you. If you're unhappy with the political climate, get involved. If you're unhappy with how Americans are treating each other, make sure that you do your part to teach your children what acceptable behavior is and then be an example of that when you're interacting with others.

I get so tired of being disheartened by all of the hate and negativity that seems to appear on my newsfeed every time that I log onto my social media outlets. How about instead we choose kindness? We choose to get involved? We choose to make a difference and stop waiting for others to do it for us? Stop holding your breath waiting for others to make the changes that you are capable of making yourself.

Our country might be divided right now, on multiple issues. But you know what? It doesn't have to stay that way. At the end of the day, we are the United States and it is time to show the world that that's who we truly are, people who are united. We are a country made up of people with different views, different religions, different ways of life. But that's the beauty of it, that we have the freedom to be whoever we want to be and think whatever we want to think. And if we're unhappy with something about our country, we have the freedom to change it. So look yourself in the mirror and evaluate what you're doing. There's an old saying that claims, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem". In this case, that is definitely true. Standing by and doing nothing does not solve the problem; it only adds to it.

At the end of the day, no matter what we're dealing with in this country, I love it and I am incredibly proud to be an American. And my husband is fighting for our country right now and for your freedom. He is fighting for your right to live whatever life you want to live. So respect his sacrifice and the sacrifice of countless other men and women. Make this country as strong as it can be by choosing to be the best person that you can be.

Be the change that you want to see in the world. It all starts with you. Instead of being divided by hate, let's be united by love. Let's all do our part to change the world.

-Chelsea

Philadelphia 2017

About a week ago, me and a bunch of my friends went on a trip to Philadelphia, Pa for a dance competition. I had never been to Philly before and it was a city that I've always wanted to visit. It was one of the most incredible places that I've ever been in my life and I loved every second of it. I'm so glad that I was able to go and that I was able to share the experience with some of my favorite people. It also didn't hurt that I ended up getting third place in my category. The trip was memorable in so many ways. We ate at so many wonderful cafes, at Philly cheesesteaks, drank Guinness at the bar from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and so much more. It was one of the best vacations that I've ever taken and I'm dying to go back. If you ever have a chance to see this city, go. You won't regret it. I certainly don't.

-Chelsea

Be the Change

When I was in high school, I majored in Communications Arts and took writing classes with Mr. Moore. To say that he influenced my writing and changed my life is an understatement. But lately, I haven't been able to get something else about him out of my head. I heard him say this expression many times over my four years of high school, "Be the change you want to see in the world".

We live in a world so full of negativity, disrespect, disloyalty, selfishness and entitlement. Often times, I wonder how we let it get so bad. We're often more surprised when someone has our back than when someone stabs us in the back. And that is such a sad statement for me to make.

So how do we change it? We certainly can't change how everyone else lives but we can change ourselves for the better. We can change how we live our lives. If you think that there are too many liars in the world, be honest. If you think people are too angry or negative, be a positive influence. If you think people are selfish and unhelpful, be generous and helpful. Don't let yourself be pulled into someone else's negativity or toxicity. Negativity is contagious but positivity can be just as contagious, if you let it.

There are small ways that I try to avoid negativity in my everyday life. For example, I do not post anything negative or political on any of my social media outlets. I try to give people compliments whenever I can. I always try to offer people help, whether they have the courage to ask for it themselves or not. Or I answer phone calls from crying friends at 3 a.m. These things seem so small but trust me, they add up; and they allow everyone else to see your good example and follow it. And recently, I've started really focusing on self-love. So many of my friends struggle with this and I admit that I do myself. It's a daily struggle that I'm working on and I'm finding it easier every day. And what I want more than anything is for nobody else to ever think that they aren't good enough. So I'm hoping that by sharing my journey of discovering self-love, that message will spread, allowing more and more people to truly love themselves for who they are. The world definitely needs more of that.

So what I'm trying to say is that if everyone stopped focusing on the negatives, about anything, whether it's about themselves or the world, the world would be a much better place. Yes, the world isn't perfect and bad things happen every day. I'm not saying that we should ignore that. What I'm saying is to make sure that you are working just as hard to make sure that good things are happening every day as well, whether it's in your life, your friend's life or a complete stranger's life. One of the best pieces of advice that I've ever been given is, "Don't play the victim". If there is something that you can do to make your life better, then you have a responsibility to yourself to do it. So if you think something needs to change, whether it's a personal problem or a global problem, you have the power to make that change. The world isn't going to sit back and wait for you, and you shouldn't either. You deserve the chance to be happy and to make others happy as well. So the time to claim your power is now.

I know that it can be much easier to be a negative person or to believe all of the bad things about the world. But trust me, you don't have to just sit back, watch it happen and accept it. The truth is that there is still kindness and positivity all around you; you just have to look for it. And you know where you can find it? In yourself. It creates a kind of domino effect, like paying it forward. When other people are making you lose faith in humanity or the world today, be different and show the world what it could be. Be a good role model for someone else. Be optimistic. Be inspirational. Be kind. Be encouraging. Be helpful. Be generous. Be brave. Be honest. Be positive. Be the change.

-Chelsea