A Promise to Myself

My 21st birthday is on Friday. Exciting, right? It's always fun to reach a milestone birthday. And of course, birthdays are just fun in general.

But I've been thinking a lot about my birthday and what it means to grow older. I think that it's important to be happy, or at least try to be, every single day. And for the longest time, I haven't allowed myself to do that.

Don't get me wrong, I am generally a very happy person. However, I always have put other peoples' needs and wants ahead of my own. I never allow myself to have/to do what I want. So I told myself that when Kris and I move, for the first time in my life, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make me happy. I'm going to allow myself to make me a priority.

At least for a while. Life is too short not to be happy, so I'm promising myself that I'm going to let myself be happy and not feel guilty about it. I'm just going to live life and enjoy every positive consequence of my decisions.

Here's to the start of my new life! 21 is going to be a big year for sure!

-Chelsea

The Selection

The Selection, the first book in a trilogy, focuses on the life of America Singer, a girl who is low in her land's caste system but is selected to compete for Prince Maxon's heart. The premise of the story is very similar to The Bachelor. Thirty five women from all different castes are chosen to live in the palace and from those 35 women, the prince chooses a wife. America has no desire to be a part of this but as a reward for being selected, the 35 womens' families are financially compensated. In addition to that, her boyfriend Aspen, who is in a lower caste than she is, tells her to sign up and then breaks up with her.

America feels that she has no choice and doesn't want to be around Aspen at home, so she leaves. She expects the process to be dreadful and expects very little of the prince. Her attitude changes quickly when she becomes the prince's confidante and she starts to realize that there is more to him that meets the eye. But America finds herself in a love triangle while trying to figure out if she wants what she thought she did or if she wants something entirely new.

This is another book that I found through BookTube and I wasn't exactly sure how I'd feel about it. I took a chance on it and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I actually read this at a really good time. It was a fast, easy read. It's subject matter is a lot lighter than what I've been reading recently and it was really refreshing. I really enjoyed Maxon's character and prefer him to Aspen. Sometimes I thought that things came a little too easy to America but it didn't bother me too much.

I really enjoyed seeing America's relationship with Maxon blossom and grow. I also really loved that it wasn't an insta-romance kind of relationship. It started out purely as friendship and grew into something more. I'm still unsure about how I feel about Aspen but I'm sure that I'll figure that out in the second book. All in all, the story pleasantly surprised me and I enjoyed it more than I thought. I finished it very quickly and I plan on picking up the next one, The Elite, very soon!

4/5 stars

-Chelsea

Celebrity Man Crush Monday

Mondays are generally the most hated day of the week and as I'm lying sick in bed, I'd have to agree. So to make everyone's Monday a bit better and more beautiful, I thought I'd show you all my celebrity crushes! It is Man Crush Monday, after all.

1. Adam Levine- I've been crushing on him for 9 years. He's definitely my longest celebrity crush!



2. Orlando Bloom- I was ridiculously in love with him in high school! Of course, I still think he's beautiful now though!



3. Drew Seeley- When he played Joey Parker in Another Cinderella Story, I couldn't help but fall in love with him. Then he played Eric in The Little Mermaid on Broadway. Could he be any more perfect?



4. Shane West- A Walk to Remember is my favorite movie for so many reasons... but it did help that Shane played the leading man.



5. Leonardo DiCaprio- Was he not the perfect Romeo?



6. Daniel Radcliffe- Because he's Harry Potter, duh!



7. Jonathan Jackson- What can I say? I'm a sucker for a guy that can pull off longer hair.



8. Zac Efron- I feel like this one doesn't need an explanation.



9. William Moseley- He's cute and a king. It's a win-win.



10. Matthew Macfadyen- Because every girl loves Mr. Darcy, right?



I hope that made your Monday a little more beautiful!

-Chelsea

My First Crush

2 days ago, I ran into my old best friends' mother. Remember when I said that when I was a child, from the ages of 8-16, that I was best friends with 2 brothers? It was their mother that I ran into.

I hadn't seen her in over a year. Things have been really distant between their family and I after our breakup. Oh, did I not mention that I dated one of the brothers? Oops.

But running into her made me think about all of the good times that we had together and how it all began.

I had my first real crush on one of the boys. Let's call him John. (That's not his name but we'll pretend, okay?) So John and I were in the same class in 3rd grade and I was as close to in love with him that a 3rd grader could be. My best friend at the time used to tease me horrendously about my crush but of course, I had no intention of acting on it. I had never even spoken to him before, despite the dozens of times that my friends had tried to get me to tell him how I felt.

I was only 8 years old. I wasn't nearly ready for any of that kind of stuff.

But one day at lunch, my friends were teasing me about him and another girl (that I didn't like) overheard the conversation. (Let's call her Jane, which is, again, not her real name.) She demanded to know which boy they were talking about and, being the people-pleaser that I am, I reluctantly told her. Of course, she giggled just like everyone else but swore that she wouldn't say anything.

Recess was right before lunch and I saw Jane talking to John in front of the big tree in the field where we played at recess. Jane had never spoken to John before, ever. So I knew what was about to happen. I ran and hid myself behind the tree. Then my suspicions were proven correct when I heard her say the words, "You know that girl, Chelsea? She likes you."

My heart sank. A person's first crush is a big deal and I didn't have a high self-esteem. The last thing I needed was for him to say that he didn't like me back or even worse, that he didn't know who I was. So I did something that was completely out of character for me. I got from behind the tree and yelled at Jane for telling my secret. I was enraged and John just stood there, staring awkwardly at me.

Jane tried to defend herself, saying that she thought that she was helping and that I should thank her. Obviously, I didn't feel the same way. I was infuriated, humiliated and ashamed.

But not long after, I found myself thanking her. We quickly became best friends after that and were inseparable all through elementary school, middle school and the first 2 years of high school. He was my first crush, my first love and the first real, true best friend that I ever had.

Jane might not have been pure in her intentions. I'm sure that she didn't plan on helping to create a strong friendship/romantic relationship between us. But none of that would've happened without her. I was too shy to admit my feelings for him and from Jane, I learned that nothing in life happens if you just sit by and watch it go by. Take risks, live life, tell that person that you like them.

They just might end up liking you back.

We might not have worked out but I'm happy with how my life turned out. But I'll always cherish the memories and the experiences that he and his family gave me. I'll be forever grateful. They helped shape me into the person that I am today.

-Chelsea

When is enough, enough?

Have you ever had any sort of relationship with somebody, whether it be friendship or a romantic relationship, where you felt like you always had the same arguments over and over? Like no matter what you did or said you could never get through to them? They just hurt you over and over again, claiming that they'll change, they'll get better but they never do? You love and care about them but you also want to protect yourself from repeatedly getting hurt or being with someone who doesn't care about you enough to make an effort to change in a positive way.

So when is enough finally enough? When do you throw in the towel and walk away from that person?

I'm currently struggling with this right now. I care more about this person than they care about me. If you ask them about that, they'll deny it but actions speak louder than words. They keep hurting me and I find myself longing to get away. But another part of me doesn't want to give up on them. I know that you can't change people and I don't want to change this person. However, I do want to stop the destructive behavior.

I know that people make mistakes and sometimes they make the same mistake twice. But after the 10th time they make that same "mistake" are you supposed to just keep forgiving them? Or the 15th time? Or the 20th? When is it the right time to just say, "Listen, we tried but you're just no good for me"?

I really don't want to lose this person because I know that deep down they are good and that they're not intentionally hurting me. But they don't learn from what they've done wrong and how they've acted. So how long am I supposed to just be the bigger person and pick up the pieces of my heart that they've broken again and again?

I really just don't know how to handle this. I've never felt so lost before. This person is very close to me and has been for years. But if their relationship hurts me more than it helps me, is it worth it? Do I walk away and try to help myself, or do I stay and try to help them?

I'm still not sure.

-Chelsea

Currently (3)

My life has been turned upside-down today and I'm not sure when the next time is that I'll be able to do a full blog post. So I thought I'd update you all on what's going on!

• Reading: I just finished City of Bones today and ohmygosh! It's amazing! I am so glad that I'm finally getting around to reading this series! 
• Watching: When Calls the Heart and The Voice!
• Feeling: Anxious to register for classes! And exhausted from moving stuff for the past few days! I'm staying with my mom for a bit and then moving to be with Kristopher. But my mom changed apartments so it's been non-stop packing, cleaning and moving for a long time now! I'm so relieved that it's almost done!
• Excited for: Playlist Live! 
• Loving: My mom's new place!
• Writing: I'm having so much writer's block lately but my story is constantly on my mind! I'm really trying to push through it but not having any luck yet! 

That's what's going on right now but I'm going to be really busy over the next few days! So I'll just have to leave it at this for now! 

-Chelsea 

My Name

 

As you can see from my blog's name, my first name is Chelsea. I absolutely love my name. I've said before that my parents were going to name me Ashley but changed their minds. I'm glad that they did, not that I have anything against the name Ashley. I just look more like a Chelsea, ya know?

But as much as I love my name, most people seem to have some sort of difficulty with it. So, I'm here to clear that up.

I was born when Clinton was in office and because he had a daughter named Chelsea, all of my parents friends thought that I was named after her. That actually wasn't the case but that didn't stop people from hounding my parents about it. (If you want to know the full story of my name, click here.)

For the first 2-3 years of my life, I was called "Baby Clinton" much to my parents' dismay. And even though I'm grown now, that stigma still follows me. I can guarantee you that 9 out of 10 times that I introduce myself to someone I say, "Hi, my name is Chelsea," the other person will reply, "Like Clinton's daughter!" (Eye roll.)

You know how I said that happens 9 out of 10 times?  The other 1 time, they go, "Like Chelsea Lately!"

It's gotten to the point that I'm just annoyed by their lack of originality. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Chelsea Handler or Chelsea Clinton but I have my own identity. I don't like being called my someone else's name all the time. I tell everyone that I don't like being called by those names and they persist anyway. So if they are trying to get my attention by calling me by one of those names, I don't respond until they use my proper name.

I realize that this might be seen as a bit extreme and as something that I should just let go. But when you repeatedly tell people that you're annoyed by something and they continue to do it, it's hard to just accept it. My sister deals with a similar problem. Her name is Kelly and she is constantly called Kelly Clarkson. Needless to say, she gets really annoyed by it too. Just because we share the same name with famous or well-known people does not mean that we like to be referred to by their names.

So if we ever meet in person, please call me by my given name. After almost 21 years of being known as "Chelsea Clinton", it's getting old. And if you're someone that I know that calls me that, please stop. Really.

What bugs you about your name?

-Chelsea