¨If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?¨

Admit it. At one point in all of our lives, our parents have said that infamous phrase to us. The phrase itself may be the most repeated sentence in all of history, yet the irony of it is what stands out the most to me.

When we were younger, we were taught to think for ourselves, be independent and not do things just because everyone else was doing them. Let´s say, for example, that you are a little girl who wants her ears pierced and you ask for your parents´ permission. They would probably ask you why you want your ears pierced all of a sudden and you say something like, ¨All of the other girls in my class have pierced ears.¨

Your parents would probably would not be pleased with your answer and would respond with, ¨If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?¨ The meaning behind the phrase is, obviously, that you shouldn´t do something just because everyone else is doing it. It´s all about individuality. Yet, when we get older, our individuality seems to get stripped away and we are thrust into expectations about how we should act and who we should be. It becomes increasingly harder to be ourselves and break away from the social norms set in front of us. We are expected to all think the same, like the same things, do the same things.

Let me explain my theory. As a minor example, I´ll use fashion sense. We are not only ¨supposed¨ to follow the latest fashion trends, we are expected to buy/wear whatever is in style at that moment. Phrases like, ¨That´s so last season¨ or ¨Why are you wearing that¨ are not only negative and judgmental, but they also contribute to the idea that we should all be/look the same. We should be allowed/encouraged to wear whatever we want without fear of judgment or being ostracized for our wardrobe choices. Styles change too often for everyone to keep up with them. Yet there is a constant pressure to keep up with what everyone else is wearing.

As a bigger example, let´s use college. Let´s be serious, it isn´t for everyone but it is looked down upon if you haven´t gone or aren´t currently attending. What about people that have trouble learning or would rather spend their twenties trying to get a record deal for their band? Should they be judged for being different and wanting different things out of their lives? Should they be looked at differently because they don´t agree with or conform to one element of society simply because it isn´t for them?

Of course not, but unfortunately, most of them are. Many of them are petrified to even tell their parents, the 2 people in the world that will love them no matter what. Their parents are not always supportive of their decisions. (In some cases they are but that´s not the point right now.) They may even come back with, ¨But everyone goes to college,¨ to which my response would automatically be, ¨If everyone else jumped off a bridge, does that mean that I should?¨ Hence the irony.

I´m not saying that you should skip going to college. In fact, I´m currently attending a university myself. I´m just saying that college isn´t always in the cards for everyone. People are also perceived as brave when they break the social norm and decide not to go to college. They are brave but it shouldn´t be as a big of a deal. This is because they should be allowed, encouraged even, to make their own decisions and live life the way that they want to live it without fear of judgment or disappointing their parents or peers. Society should not dictate our lives like that.

 Individuality should be rampant all over the place instead of squished or looked down upon. It should be encouraged from a young age and continue to be encouraged all through adulthood. Nobody should ever be afraid to be different from the rest of the pack or to be themselves but it´s the unfortunate reality of the world that we live in right now. But you should have the courage to pursue your dreams no matter what. You may fail but through failure comes character and world experience.

So basically, don´t jump off the bridge. Let the followers do that. Be the leader of your own destiny. Be yourself. Be who you want to be. It may be the harder road but it´ll be worth it in the end. Things worth having don´t come easy but hey... sounds like life to me.

Memorial Day!

I´m sure that if you looked at your calendar today, you have probably noticed that today is Memorial Day! Today is a day that we set aside on our calendar to honor, respect and think about the people that have sacrificed so much or even their lives for their service to their country.

I have quite a few people in my family that have served in the military, so this holiday and ones like it, such as Veteran´s Day, have always warranted a lot of much-deserved respect from me and my other family members. This year, however, that respect is getting magnified. Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 people in my family that have served in the military. I´m sure that there are tons of others that I don´t even know about or remember. It´s always something that I´ve been very proud to say about my family, that I have military lineage. What more noble profession is there than to serve your country?

This year though, the tables have turned. Three of those 5 people that I mentioned earlier, I never even met. They were my great-uncles Don and Ron and my Grandpa Jack. They all passed away years before I was born. Still, I was proud to be a part of their lineage. The other people live very far away and I don´t see or hear from them very often. So, even though the respect and admiration has always been there for them, it´s been less personal because I never got to see their sacrifices first-hand.

If you have read any of my previous blog posts, you know that my husband is currently away at boot camp and will be gone for about another 10 weeks. For me, I still don´t think that the concept of him being in the military has completely sunk in yet. But with all of the love that has been given for the military on things like Facebook or on television commercials, it really started to sink into my brain. Although my husband being in the U.S. Army still is a foreign concept, I feel so much pride when I tell people about his sacrifices and what he is being put through.

Now, I am not only witnessing the sacrifices that someone in the armed forces has to go through and deal with, I am a part of them. I´m a small part but a part nonetheless. It really puts things into perspective. Anyone can say that joining the navy, the marines, the army or any military branch is hard and worth respecting; it´s another thing to see those sacrifices first-hand and deal with the heartache of waiting for your soldier to come home safely. Then and only then can you really understand.

So now I think about a day like this, Memorial Day, and realize that after he graduates and he really starts his army career, this holiday will be for people like him and his friends. I am not a religious woman but I am praying to the universe that no matter what he will be safe and not have to ever go into any sort of a war situation. That is the only thing that I can think of that I truly wouldn´t be able to handle.

But even though he hasn´t been through any sort of war situation yet, he still deserves all of the respect and support in the world for himself and for everyone else with him at boot camp right now. So despite what a lot of people think, it is not National Barbecue Day. I know that I feel as if I´m going through my own personal hell right now, so I can only imagine what every other military family whose sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, etc, must be feeling, knowing that their loved-ones are in places like Iraq and that they aren´t safe like my husband is.

I heard a saying earlier today that really spoke to me, ¨We are the home of the free because of the brave.¨ Remember the brave men and women who gave up their families, their home, their safety, their comfort and in so many cases, their lives, so that you could wake up every morning and go to work, the beach or Disneyland. It doesn´t matter how you choose to spend your time. Just know that a lot people sacrificed a lot so that you could enjoy each and every day of your life to the fullest potential. Remember that, because everyday life isn´t perfect but you are free because of the military´s sacrifices and they never asked for anything in return.

There is nothing that I want more right now than to have my husband home but he needs to do this and we will both have to sacrifice some more time apart so that he can serve his country. It still continues to be hard but hey... sounds like life to me.

The Love Yourself Project

There is no doubt that body image issues are running rampant all over the world. The pressure to fit into that size zero pair of jeans or be wrinkle-free only seems to get worse with time. It seems like natural beauty just isn´t good enough anymore or that it´s a thing of the past and that´s pretty sad.

Part of the beauty of going through life is the changes that people experience and that includes things like changing body sizes and getting wrinkles. I have actually always prided myself on being someone that appreciated the beauty of a clean face or imperfect body. I rarely ever wear make-up, I refuse to pay full price for clothing (no matter how sexy it will make me look or who designed it) and I believe in the process of aging gracefully.

See, my theory is that, essentially, we are all the same. That means that we all came into this world the same way (as babies, of course) and we are all leaving the same way (as bones and dust). We are all equal and it doesn´t matter if your younger sister is the skinny one or you struggle with acne everyday. You are beautiful and you need to remember that. 

Remember when I said that life would be boring if we all knew everything that was going to happen? Well, basically the same theory applies for this topic as well. Life would be boring if we all looked the same as everyone else. People strive to look like the models on magazines covers and help spread the idea that only one type of beauty is acceptable and it´s quite sick. The beauty industry spends millions of dollars every year trying to tell us what is beautiful and it´s basically brainwashing. ¨If you´re not a size 0, then you´re fat,¨ or ¨If you are starting to wrinkle at 30, your face needs fixing.¨ It´s disgusting, untrue and unfortunately, popular.

No matter how many people know the root goal of these magazines is to trick you into buying what they want you to buy or look the way that they want you to look, people buy into them. The consequence immediately becomes them stressing to be someone that they are not or self-loathing. The sad part is that it doesn´t only affect older people, it affects the younger generation, too. Too many girls become obsessed with wanting to be models when they grow up. In my opinion, careers where they put their minds to better use should be more glorified. How about we put doctors, engineers and lawyers on those magazines and see how well they sell? The sad thing is, they probably won´t sell nearly as well.

So let´s say that you´re a thirty-something year old woman with 3 kids, gray hair and a few wrinkles. Let´s say that you look in the mirror every day and wish that you were that twenty-something year old with beautiful blonde hair and a size 4 waist. Right there is your problem. You need to look at the beautiful person that you have become and love that person for who they are. Yearning for something that you feel that you can´t have or have again is completely unhealthy. Learn to love the woman that everyone else in your life loves just the way that she is. So what if you can´t lose your baby weight like some celebrity did in 3 weeks? Who cares? You don´t regret having children and that baby weight is a constant reminder of the beautiful life and miracle that you brought into the world. The same idea applies for the other bodily issues stated above. Embrace it. Own it. Love it. 

Easier said that done, I know. You have to train your brain to believe and think what you want it to. It´s tough but it´s possible. You can trust me. If you take me for example, I´m not overweight. I´m actually a size 3, in case you were wondering. But even though I am very pleased with my body weight, I have issues too. I suffer from a large amount of acne on my face quite frequently, most pairs of jeans don´t fit me because I have a big butt, and my eyebrows are bushy. Truly, I could go on and on. But the difference is that now when
I look into the mirror every day and see a beautiful, strong, confident person. 

Now, if you want to feel that way, I have a theory that may be able to help you out. It´s a little thing that I like to call ¨The Love Yourself Project¨ or ¨The Sticky Note Project.¨ You can pick your preference. When I was in middle school, my drama teacher, Mr. Dow (R.I.P) said that ¨repetition is the key to retention.¨ So one day that got me thinking. Basically, it means that if you read or say the same thing over and over, you´ll start to believe it. That statement inspired me to start this project.

It´s a very simple, yet very effective idea. I filled out multiple sticky notes with different sayings, quotes  and affirmations that made me feel good about myself or inspired me. Then I stuck them to my bedroom mirror, a place that I knew that I would look at every day. So every day, I see them and read them to myself. Eventually, I started to believe them and now I have no doubts. 

So if you are looking for something to help get you started, you could say something like, ¨You are beautiful,¨ ¨You are worth it,¨ or ¨I love myself.¨ These are just a few simple examples to help get you started. They can say whatever positive message that you would like, as long as they make you feel better. Now you may not think that this is an effective process but I can attest to its success with me and you´ll never know if you don´t try.

By no means am I saying that sticky notes will solve every single problem in your life but they will help you to feel more confident. Confidence is attractive in people and therefore, is sexy. Beauty is not something narrow that can only be obtained by certain people. In fact, it´s just the opposite. It is in every person but it´s mostly about loving yourself and how you carry yourself/present yourself to the world. 

Everyone is different and therefore, everyone is beautiful. Not everyone may appreciate just how beautiful, wonderful or special that you are but that is their problem, not yours. Remember that. Put the power back into your hands and take it out of the beauty industry. Also, remember that nobody is better than you are because deep down we are all the same. They might not see it that way but hey... sounds like life to me.

Respect For Stay-At-Home Moms

                                  I can´t wait to be the same old Chelsea again. :)

If you have read my previous posts or you know me personally, you know that there was a time in my life, not very long ago, that I was basically a vegetable. I didn´t move much. There were some days that I never got out of my bed. It was a very dark time in my life. I was too depressed to get the will to do anything more than turn on the TV. I was very sick, couldn´t drive, couldn´t work, etc. I felt like a complete waste of space, which added to my clinical depression and worsened my condition.

Now I´m a pretty independent person and I hate when other people have to do things for me, especially when I think that I´m capable of doing them myself. So being confined in the four walls of my apartment and basically feeling trapped was the last thing on Earth that I ever wanted to do. I wanted to go out into the world and do things like everyone else, the things that I previously had taken for granted. I wanted to shop, to work, to go to the beach but on my own agenda. I didn´t want to wait until my parents or fiance could take me and I felt like a burden.

On top of everything else that I was feeling, I was constantly looked down upon because of all of the different things that I now couldn´t do. I would clean when I could convince myself to get up and actually do something. But there was always this constant pressure and feeling of guilt when I didn´t clean. I heard things from people all the time like, ´You were home all day. What did you even do?´ or ´You don´t do anything.´ Now that may not seem that bad and in retrospect, those comments are not as mean as they could be. But when you are struggling with the will to get out of bed every day and your bones are in extreme pain because of your illness, it isn´t as easy as people would think to get up and vacuum the house every day. That wasn´t what I wanted my life to be like.

Plus, I´m a slob. I could name a million and one faults about myself and the first one that I always name is my sloppiness. Most of the time, I don´t see the point in making such a big deal about doing certain chores. Take, for example, making my bed. I´m literally going to ruin that work later that same day, so what is the point? Or when company is coming over and my mom says to clean my room. Why? Are your friends going to be spending time in my room? I don´t see the point. Even though that trait has gotten better with age, it is still there. Part of it probably will always be there but that´s just part of who I am, I guess.

But as I was coming out of my funk and I was starting to cure myself, I started doing more housework on a more routine basis. I really started to think about stay-at-home moms and what their lives are like. I have so much respect for them now because they are so much stronger than me. I don´t know how they do what they do because I know that I couldn´t do it. There is so much pressure to get so many different things done and yet, you want to do some fun things for yourself as well. For example, do you want to go out and get your nails done or do you want to do that laundry that´s piling up in your clothes hamper? You have to make a choice. You try to achieve a balance but most people just assume that you live to clean or you spend all day picking up after everyone else. Those moms are not recognized nearly enough for everything that they do. 

I´m sure that some stay-at-home moms are more organized than others and some are more relaxed. That´s just normal and different people have different styles of doing the same things. But just the idea of living that life every day and doing it with a smile on their faces really puts it into perspective just how much that they really do for their families and deal with every day.

So many people think that being home all day is so cushy. Many people think the same thing about being put on bed rest. It sounds so wonderful but after a while, it just doesn´t feel like enough. I don´t mind doing things like cleaning or cooking every once in a while. But doing it every day is just emotionally draining and hard. You yearn to be a part of the world outside of the four walls of your house, to go somewhere other than your bedroom or living room.

Now that I´m doing better and I can drive and get a job, it feels like I can slowly start gaining my old life back. I´m in the process of trying to find a job but while I´m still looking, I´m still at home, holding down the fort. I still feel as if it is my responsibility to get the house straightened up before my mom gets home from work and I feel really bad if it isn´t clean. That pressure and guilt that I mentioned earlier, never went away. In fact, I spent most of my day cleaning the house before I wrote this.

My mom was a stay-at-home mom for a short while in my life and it was when I was very young. I don´t remember it that much. I do remember her telling me that it is a hard job and sometimes it´s thankless as well. Now, I can say that I partially understand it. I may have a husband but he´s away, so I don´t have to take care of him right now. I don´t have kids that I have to take to soccer practice or band recitals, so I know that I don´t understand what it truly means to be a stay-at-home mom.

 But I can now say that I completely respect them. It´s not that I didn´t respect them before, I just respect them even more now. But no matter where my journey takes me and how my future ends up, I´ll remember this experience and this newfound respect.

Heck, I may even end up a stay-at-home mom with 6 kids one day, who knows? But that´s the unexpected adventure and I look forward to its uncertainty. It may be scary, it may be hard but hey... sounds like life to me.

Noah Wrote Allie 365 Letters, So I Got This.

                                                 Our third prom together. :)

Most of you all know Nicholas Sparks´ infamous love story, The Notebook. It´s one of this current generation´s favorite love stories. Though I don´t love the movie/book nearly as much as every other girl my age seems to, I can appreciate the beauty and message of true love conquering all.

See, in the story, Noah and Allie fall in love and are separated once Allie moves away. Noah, is not ready for the relationship to end and decides to write her a letter every day for a year. Now that´s commitment. Allie never gets the letters and obviously, never replies back but that´s not important right now. The important part is the act of writing the letters themselves. 

I´m sure that most of you are now wondering how this story pertains to my life and no, I´m not writing a very belated review of The Notebook. See now that my husband has left for boot camp, we cannot communicate freely like we did before. I can´t call him, text him, Skype him, etc. However, I can write him letters and I plan to do so every single day.

So like Noah, I am relying on the written word to relay my thoughts, feelings and stories about my day to the person that I love. I feel like after this experience is done and over with, I´m going to have a new appreciation for this movie. I actually wrote the first letter to him last night and it ripped my heart out. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to tell him these things to his face. I wanted to see him smile as I told him these stories. Clearly, this was not enough for me. 

It was an extremely emotional process and I had not anticipated how hard that it was really going to be. With every stroke of my hand, the hole in my heart got bigger as I ached for my husband. I gained a new respect for Noah. It made me wonder how I was going to be able to do this every day for two months. I knew that it was supposed to get better with time because time heals all wounds. But at that moment, it really didn´t seem like anything would make it better, even time. 

But I started thinking and I remembered The Notebook. I thought to myself, ¨Noah wrote Allie 365 letters, so I got this." I didn´t have to do nearly as much because our time apart wouldn´t be nearly as long as theirs was. It made me feel a little bit more at ease with the situation. Heck, they didn´t even have access to all of the other types of communication that I do. No matter how bizarre or irrational this parallel is, it brought me so much comfort. 

So even though it kills me to be separated from him and I can only do/say so much through letters, Noah did it, so I can do it too. I also feel like I wouldn´t appreciate our relationship or our sacrifices nearly as much if we didn´t have some form of hardship to get through. It really allows you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Through sacrifice comes hardship and from hardship comes compassion. That´s how I see it, anyway.

So I know that this will not be nearly enough communication or comfort for the two of us but if this was easy, everyone would do it and it wouldn´t be such a big accomplishment for him. He really needs to be recognized for doing what most people I know are too scared to do, even if it does mean that we can´t be together right now. He truly is the bravest person that I know and I miss him every second that we are not together. But we will get through this and come out a stronger couple than before because we were separated. Time apart is hard and it isn´t fair but hey... sounds like life to me.

I Don´t Want to Forget This Feeling

                                   One of my favorite pictures of us: Prom 2011.

From the title, one would probably assume that this is going to be a happy blog about something miraculous that happened to me and I blogged about it to make sure that I never forget the awesomeness. I wish that were true. The truth is, it´s actually the opposite. I am currently experiencing the worst pain that I can imagine. (Emotional, not physical). My husband just left for boot camp.

Now I have known that this day was coming since January when he enlisted and swore in. But it all seemed like it was never going to happen. It all felt like a dream. There was just an all-around surreal feeling going on around us and time seemed to stand still, yet go very quickly at the same time. I know that it doesn´t make sense but that´s the only way that I can try to relay that same feeling for you to understand. Add the wedding into the picture and it couldn´t get more surreal for us.

The wedding was therapeutic in many ways because it was the best distraction from what was really going on in our lives but it also brought us closer together. He knew that when he left, he would have a wife to come home to and vice versa for me. We spent so much time together and learned so much about each other that it was eye opening. But through it all, we got closer and fell even more in love with each other.

After those few months of planning went on and the wedding/honeymoon happened, reality really started to hit us. We got back from our honeymoon on the 17th of May and he was leaving us on May 20th. Three days was all that we had with each other. Three days. That´s not a long time by any means but by the 20th we would only have been married for 8 days. That´s a lot of pressure to put on a new marriage.

But these past few days have been the best days of my life, despite being sick. We received our wedding video yesterday and watched it with my family. We also received some of the pictures back from our photographer, which turned out amazing. The wedding had gone by so fast for us that it felt like a whirlwind and we didn´t remember half of it, so we appreciated these momentos very much. In the pictures and the video, you could see just how happy and in love that we were, which brought tears to my eyes.

That happiness was short-lived because today when we woke up, we knew that everything was coming to an end. We cried for a long time but tried to think about the good things to come as best as we could. But for us, since he is leaving for 9 months right after his 2 month boot camp, it was really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We couldn´t even focus on the fact that I´ll see him for 3 days after boot camp. We were too swept up in our own sadness and tears to think clearly.

The weather was absolutely awful today and it has been raining cats and dogs all day. It felt like a bad omen and that made me even more uncomfortable. There was a teeny bit of good news though. His driver was late, so we got to spend an extra hour together before he had to leave. However, watching him get into that van and drive away broke my heart into a million tiny pieces that I thought were too small to pick up.

I had to get into his car and drive home in the pouring rain, holding back tears and thinking about our last kisses and hugs to each other. Needless to say, this wasn´t easy for me. I felt like I was having an emotional breakdown. On top of feeling alone and helpless, I was worried about him. Would he be okay? Would he get hurt? Will he make friends? Will he be miserable? A million thoughts were racing through my head.

It made me feel guilty for feeling so sorry for me when he was the one who was leaving, going to a strange place and his life was about to be flipped upside-down. But he wasn´t scared. Actually, he was quite confident. He was more worried about leaving his wife, which tugged at my heart strings.

This is going to be one of the hardest things that we´ve ever done in our lives. At least during his 9 month training, I can see him a few times. These next few months, I can´t see him and I can´t contact him except through letters. Kris and I have been separated before but we stayed in constant contact. This will be the first time that this is not an option.

Now this brings me back to the title of this blog and it´s true. I don´t want to forget this feeling. This is the saddest that I can remember being since my depression. But when this is all over, everything is fine and we are together again, I want to appreciate the beautiful melancholy feeling that Kris and I are experiencing now. I am so lucky that I have someone in my life that made it so hard to say goodbye. I am truly grateful for him being in my life, just as I am grateful for these emotions that are causing me such pain and agony.

I feel alone, empty, friendless, anxious, tired, exasperated, crazy, yet I´m relieved and excited. And while this is an agonizing and hard thing to deal with, it´s beautiful because one day we will both be safe, happy and together, traveling the world and pursuing the careers that we´ve been dreaming of for so long. That is what is going to get me through this. I keep trying to tell myself that millions of other people have done this or are doing this every day. That helps a little bit too. But this is, without a doubt, going to prove just how strong Kris and I are as a couple and it´s going to be tough, but hey... sounds like life to me.

Bittersweet

                             This picture completely captures our personalities. :)

As I have mentioned in my previous posts, May 12th was my wedding day! Kris and I got married at 5:30 p.m. and it felt like the day was going by extremely slow! I was just so excited to get the party started that it literally felt like the longest day of my life. I was going crazy for most of the day because of my excitement but my family had to constantly remind me to wind down so I wouldn´t lose all of my energy for the reception.

However, as my excitement was very prominent throughout the day, so was my sadness. The realization that my baby would be leaving me 8 days later really hit me. The entire process had been bittersweet to say the least. The closer the wedding got, the closer it was for his time to leave. It made me feel bad for wishing that the day would take longer to get here but I just wanted him with me.

The day was as amazing as it could have been. We had paid for an outdoor ceremony at this gorgeous venue but it did not work out because there was a thunderstorm. However, there was a covered area at the other end of the venue and we ended up using that instead. It ended up working really well because instead of doing what most people do, which is walking only towards the officiant and their fiance, I walked to all of my guests as well.

The ceremony was held on an elevated stage and our entire families were circled around us, listening intently to our vows and crying. The fact that they were all so touched made me feel really special and loved. I also loved that while I was walking toward everyone, I could see all of their tears. I had already felt so unbelievably beautiful in my dress but seeing our families drop their jaws when they saw me was the icing on the cake.

I had to try so hard not to cry during the ceremony and it all went by very quickly. People had been telling me for weeks how nervous I was going to be that day and to be honest, I didn´t feel that. I loved Kris and I knew that I wanted to be with him forever. I said yes to his proposal and I´d been planning this wedding for months. I knew that this day was coming, so why would I be nervous? Honestly, I was more nervous about our first dance.

Kris and I are not dancers at all and we had secretly choreographed part of our dance. Our first dance as husband and wife was ¨So Close" by Jon McLoughlin. The song starts out slow, gets fast and then goes back to slow. So Kris and I thought that it would be fun to choreograph the fast part of the dance. During our photo-shoot, it was hard to lift my dress off of the ground, so I became extremely anxious when it was time for our dance because there was a lift involved.

 However, the dance went off smoothly and perfectly and everyone let out a surprised expression as Kris and I sashayed across the dance floor and I was hoisted into the air. It was one of the most amazing moments of our wedding because we felt so accomplished and proud of ourselves for all of that hard work, which proved to be quite a big success.

Kris and I both don´t like to party and are not used to being the center of attention. So when the wedding was happening, it was the most foreign thing in the world to us when everyone´s eyes were glued to us. But we embraced it and we danced and partied more than we ever had. We let loose and we didn´t care about anything except having a good time and being together.

I had spent months planning this wedding and was stressing out the smallest details for a long time because so many people were shoving their opinions in my face. People were telling me what I was doing wrong and how I was ¨supposed to¨ do things. It was like they thought that there was some rule book for how every single wedding should be planned. This annoyed me to no end because I had never wanted a big wedding. I was not the 6-year-old little girl that loved playing dress up with her mommy´s veil and envisioned getting married with 10 bridesmaids and a chocolate fountain. I wanted to elope. So this whole process was bittersweet because when I started this planning event, I couldn´t even enjoy it.

The thing is, I wanted advice and I needed help. But the people that I didn´t want advice from, ended up being the only ones that wanted to give it. Everyone that was telling me what to do or giving me ¨advice¨ fell into one of two categories: 1. Old School/Traditional or 2. Control Freak. People were trying to tell me how to decorate, where to put my cake, what songs I should dance to, where I should have the wedding, blah blah blah...

When I didn´t take their opinions, everyone got angry. But the thing is, I didn´t have to listen to them and they struggled with that concept. They chose to give me their opinions and I chose not to use them. It was as simple as that and I didn´t need a guilt trip because MY wedding wasn´t ¨their way.¨ I had enough stress as it was.

The thing that people didn´t understand was that most of their ¨advice¨ was unsolicited and therefore, unwanted. I didn´t want a hall. I didn´t want 10 bridesmaids. I didn´t want fancy invitations. People were even trying to tell me when I should have kids and how many I should have, which is definitely a conversation that is between my husband and I. Most of these people didn´t understand that they were not even originally invited because we were going to elope! Yet they felt that their opinions needed to be heard. This is where it got tricky.

I am, by nature, a people-pleaser. I want to do whatever it takes to make other people happy, even if it is at the expense of my own happiness. So that made it extremely difficult to plan a wedding because I was worried if people would like the food, if they would like the music, if they would like the cake and the list went on and on and on.... Very quickly, this wedding became something that was not fun to plan anymore and it felt like a chore. I am not a traditional bride by any means. (Kris and I wore Disney Mickey Mouse ears to our reception for crying out loud.) Therefore, I wasn´t happy when people were trying to force me to use their traditional ideas. But as soon as I realized that this day was mine and Kris´ and I stopped caring about pleasing anyone but us, it became fun again and I gained that sassy ¨I don´t care what you want¨ attitude.

What people need to realize is that I don´t care if you didn´t like my dress. You are not going to be the one that has to look at it in a wedding album 20 years from now and be proud of it. I don´t care if you didn´t like the cake. If you don´t like it, don´t eat it. You get the point. But May 12th is my day to look back on when I´m older and say, ¨That was the best day of my life." And it was.

But now is the hard part. At 11 a.m. on Monday morning, my baby goes down to the hotel where he will be staying at and gets the last-minute details worked out and on Tuesday, he leaves for Oklahoma. It will definitely be the hardest 2 months of my life. After that, he goes away for 9 months of training and I still can´t go with him.

To top it all off, I was sick for 80 percent of our honeymoon. I´ve been spending all of this time and energy trying to give him the most amazing last few weeks and I have not been able to give him everything that I think that he deserves. And now he´s leaving. My other half, my best friend, my husband. He is my rock, my strength and the one that I´m meant to spend my life making him smile. This time without him is going to be difficult but it´s his dream. I wouldn´t be a good wife if I didn´t let him chase his dreams and follow him. I support him, I love him and I want him to be the best Kris that he can be.

It´s just hard to imagine my mornings without hearing, ¨Good morning beautiful." We have only been married for a few days and I am not even used to being called his wife yet. But the time will be over before I know it and we can start our new life together with security and protection for us and our future kids. All of this craziness is about to start all over again, only just after we got a short break (our honeymoon) but it´s all an unpredictable journey and it´s bittersweet. But hey.... sounds like life to me.

I Got My Mom A Son-In-Law For Mother's Day

Me and my hubby! :) 

One day each year is set aside to celebrate one of the most important people in our lives, Mother's Day. The irony of this day is that mothers celebrate their kids every day and they don't ever ask for anything in return.

In my opinion, one day a year is not enough recognition for the people who stay up late nursing us when we're sick, help us with our homework, feed us, cloth us and run us to soccer practice three times a week. Yet, I do recognize the importance of showing them just how much they mean to us.

Now most people that I know get up early and make their mothers breakfast in bed, make them a homemade present/card or take them out for dinner. Every year I pretty much do the same thing but sometimes I write my mom poems expressing my love and appreciation for her. But this year, I'm doing something a little different: I'm getting her a son-in-law.

Never in a million years did I picture myself getting married at such a young age but that's the crazy thing about life: the best things come in moments of surprise. You can't really plan your future because things almost never work out the way that you want them too.

In theory, my fiance and I were going to wait until November of 2016 to get married. But with him joining the military, us moving and our lives turning upside-down, we embraced the wedding early. We grabbed on tight with both hands and held on as best as we could. Now the whole process of enlisting, leaving for boot camp and trying to get everything signed and ready in time has been stressful. To add to the stress, we decided to get married on Mother's Day.

That was, by no means, not the original plan. Since we got together in November, we had always planned on a November wedding. But we chose May 12th 2013 because that was the one year anniversary of the day that he proposed and he was leaving for boot camp the week after. We wanted to have a big blowout celebration before he left for 11 months of training and we were separated. This whole thing has been so much to take in and we didn't even know that it was Mother's Day until after we had picked it and started planning.

Now a lot of people decided not to come just because of it being on Mother's Day and a lot of people had accused me of being selfish for not devoting the entire day to my mother. If I'm going to be honest, I don't think that everyone spends 24/7 with their mothers that day but that's not my business. But the only person whose opinion I cared about on the subject was my mother, who shared with me that she loves the fact that it's on Mother's Day.

What better way for my mother to celebrate Mother's Day than by throwing an amazing party, dancing the night away and knowing that she made her oldest daughter's dream come true? She has given me so much (so has my father but that will be discussed in a future blog) and has not complained once about the date. But I look at it like this: there is nothing better I could have given her better than my fiance.

While that may seem a little odd, she will know that I will be happy, secure, taken care of and she'll know that I'll be married to a man that she can be proud to call her son-in-law. In my opinion, there is no more respected career than being in any branch of the military and she can be proud of who we are as a couple. But my mom will know that I'll be insured, that I'll be safe, that I'll be financially stable and that I will have had a dream come true because of how incredibly wonderful she is.

I know that I talk a lot about my mom in my blogs but it is because I relate to her so much and we are so close. She makes me feel safe, at home, loved, strong, appreciated, intelligent and respected. Although I wish that I could devote an entire day to her, I'm giving her a reason to dress up, dance, have fun and forget about her problems for a few hours. To me, that is the best thing that I could give her, gift-wrapped or not and I only hope that one day that she will be as proud of me as I am of her.

I can truly say that if I grow up to be half the mom or woman that she is, I did something right. I can come talk to her about any problem, no matter how big or small and she will not judge me. I can also count on her to always be 100 percent honest with me. She is truly my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her. I know that everyone thinks that they have the best mom in the world and that's fine, you can think that. But I know in my heart that my mom is the best because she does everything for me, she's my world, my rock and my true best friend.

 It's going to kill me when I pack my bags and move out and I know that I'll be crying my eyes out when I have to let go of her and say goodbye. But I'll be able to do it because I'll be the woman that she raised me to be and because of that, I'll be ready.

 One day on a calendar is not enough to show my mother how much she means to me and how much it would kill me to be without her, so I try to tell her everyday but I know it's not enough to make up for everything that she's ever done for me. I'll be in her debt for the rest of my life and it'll kill me to leave my mama bird's nest but hey... sounds like life to me.

I love you Mom, more than you'll ever know. (I'm crying as I'm writing this.) Thank you for being you. I wouldn't have it any other way. No matter what, you'll always be perfect to me, Princess. :)

Inside My Head

       Learn some more about me and my ¨practically perfect¨ life. Well, at least I think so, anyways. :)

Well, I thought that since you guys are reading my stuff, you should get to know me a little bit. So this is a little Q&A that I answered to tell you guys what you need to know. :)

1. What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest?

The happiest moment of my life was when Kris proposed to me in Disney World. The saddest moment would have to be when I got diagnosed.

2.Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did that person teach you?

The biggest influence is definitely my mom and she taught me how to be a strong, positive and confident woman.

3. It’s been said that after they pass away, the most important people in our lives “live within us.” Is there anyone from your past that lives within you?

I've been pretty fortunate so far. I've never lost anyone. So, one day, hopefully a long time from now, I'll find that out.

4. What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?

Definitely, the most important thing that I've learned is that no matter what you do or how hard you work, life isn't fair. It's really hard. But it's all about attitude. If you want to be unhappy, you'll be unhappy and vice versa. Happiness is inside of you, no matter the circumstances, even though it can be hard to find sometimes.

5. What is your earliest memory?

The earliest thing that I can remember is getting lost inside of a playground at Chuck E. Cheese.

6. Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to pass along to me?

"If you can dream it, you can do it."- Walt Disney

7. What are you proudest of in your life?

I am proudest of being really different from everyone else but loving myself anyway. I don't give a darn about what anyone says or thinks about me.

8. When in life have you felt most alone?

In middle school, I was bullied excessively. Every day was a battle for me and I only had two friends. Even with my friends I didn't feel liked or safe at school and it made things very hard for me. I always wondered why everyone thought I was so weird or what I was doing wrong. It was a really lonely time for me.

9. How has your life been different than what you’d imagined?

I never imagined that I'd be getting married at the age of 20 to a man in the military.

10. How would you like to be remembered?

I would like to be remembered for exactly what I said in my About Me section: "I'm a writer, a reader, a dreamer and Peter Pan in female form."

11. Do you have any regrets?

I never regret anything because at the time, it's exactly what I wanted.

12. What does your future hold?

My future consists of lots of reading, writing, producing, traveling, Disney World/Disneyland, being silly and being the best wife/mom that I can be.

13. Is there anything that you’ve never told me but want to tell me now?

Everything that you'll ever want or need to know about me will be disclosed in future blogs.

14. If you could interview anyone from your life living or dead, but not a celebrity, who would it be and why?

Well, that depends. Does Walt Disney count as a "celebrity"? :)

15. Where will you be in 10 years? 20 years?

In 10 years, I would love to have just started a family and have a book or two published. In 20 years, I'm not so sure. I just want to be happy and successful.

16. Where did you grow up?

In a small town. That's all you need to know. :)

17. What was your childhood like?

I spent a lot of time outside, doing things like swimming and football. I also wrote and read all the time. I was also extremely academic. I was always the teacher's pet and sucked up to every adult that I knew. I just wanted to make everyone love me and I was an extremely theatrical and dramatic child.

18. Who were your favorite relatives?

Growing up, my Aunt Tiffy was always my favorite person to visit. She and I were so alike and when I was around her, I felt special.

19. How did you and grandma/grandpa meet?

My grandparents on my dad's side met at my great-aunt's house and on my mom's side, they met outside of a grocery store.

20. What were your parents like?

My dad is a very emotional man and was always involved in mine and my sister's life. He coached every single one of our sports teams, no matter what sport. My mom was also involved in our athletics but she was also extremely prissy. No matter what, she always looks her best and makes sure that my sister and I look our best too.

21. What were your grandparents like?

My grandfathers are both deceased but I hear that they were amazing, hard-working people. My grandmothers were always very loving and spoiled me rotten. :)

22. What are your dreams for your children?

I just want my future children to be happy. That's all anyone really wants.

23. How did your parents choose your name?

My parents wanted to give me a name that they felt couldn't be made fun of. They weren't able to come up with insults for the name "Chelsea."

24. What were your siblings like?

I only have one sibling, a little sister. Growing up she was a trouble -maker and she wanted to be just like me. (She's not like that anymore. Hehe :) )

25. How was your relationship with your parents?

I was always very close with my parents growing up.

26. Did you get into trouble? What was the worst thing you did?

I was always one of those kids that was very afraid of their parents, so I tried my best not to get into trouble. However, one of the things that I got in the most trouble for was when I cut my own hair.

27. Did you have a nickname? How’d you get it?

Some people called me "Chels" but that's about it.

28. Who were your best friends? What were they like?

I'm sure you'll find out in a future blog. :)

29. How would you describe a perfect day when you were young?

When I was younger, my best friend and his family would have "Backwards Days" with me. I would sleep over their house and we would eat Lunchables as midnight snacks, eat ice cream for dinner, eat dinner for lunch and then eat breakfast for dinner. We'd stay in our pajamas, play videogames, watch movies and swim, etc. But we mixed the meals up. They were my absolute favorite days to sleep over and I looked forward to them all the time. I still miss those days.

30. What did you think your life would be like when you were older?

I knew that I wanted to be a writer but other than that, I tried not to get my heart too set on one idea. I knew that the future changed and I didn't want my heart to be broken.

31. Do you have any favorite stories from your childhood?

Again, this will be answered in the future.

32. Did you enjoy school?

I loved the actual learning but since I was bullied so much, I didn't enjoy going to school very much.

33. What kind of student were you?

I was a straight A student and I always took advanced classes.

34. What would you do for fun?

I played football, swam, wrote, read and hung out with my 2 best friends.

35. How would your classmates remember you?

I would definitely be remembered as a nerd.

36. Are you still friends with anyone from that time in your life?

We are friends on Facebook and we have each others' phone numbers but since we're in college, we drifted apart.

37. Was there a teacher or teachers who had a particularly strong influence on your life? Tell me about them.

My favorite teacher ever was definitely my Spanish 2 teacher and I'm sure one day I'll write a little something about him, too.

38. Do you have a love of your life?

Yes, I do. I'm marrying him on Sunday! <3

39. When did you first fall in love?

The day that I knew that I loved him was August 13th, 2010.

40. Can you tell me about your first kiss?

The guy kissed me and I was taken completely off-guard.

41. What was your first relationship?

I was 15 and it was with a guy that I'd been crushing on since I was 8 years old.

42. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, but I believe in lust at first sight.

43. What lessons have you learned from your relationships?

Never settle for less than you deserve and to treat each other as equals.

44. How did you meet your husband/wife?

I met him at work. :)

45. How did you know he/she was “the one”?

When I was in the hospital, he never left me and he stayed through my sickness.

46. How did you propose?

He proposed right after the hospital visit when he took me to Disney World. He proposed at one of my favorite hotels at sunset.

47. What advice do you have for young couples?

Don't believe in statistics. Just because you're young doesn't mean that it won't work or that your love isn't real. It just means that you have to work harder. Marriage and relationships are really hard work and both people have to put up equal work. Relationships are not just kisses, snuggles and long walks on the beach. You're going to argue and disagree. It's normal and it'd be boring if you guys agreed all the time. Just remember that you love each other and to try your best to work things out.

48. What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

I've always know that I'm going to be a writer. :)

49. Has this illness changed you? What have you learned?

My illness definitely changed me. I'm a much more compassionate and understanding person now that I've gone through all of this. I've learned patience and not to be so judgmental to other people because you don't know what those other people have been through.

Well, that's what Chelsea's life sounds like... :)

14-year-old Novelist

14-year-old me

So I'm in the process of writing my second novel, or trying to, anyway. When I wrote my first novel, it was a complete accident. I was in a creative writing class and my teacher gave us guidelines with which to write a short story.

 I fell so in love with my characters that I felt that the story had to be told. The only problem was that shortly after I started writing it, the story was no longer mine. During the process of writing our stories, all of the students had to share their progress with the class at planned intervals. Then the class would give constructive criticism and offer new ideas. My class liked the general idea of my story but thought that some ideas needed to be tweaked.

This wasn't easy for me to deal with because I felt that their ideas changed the entire plotline of the story. However, I thought that since there was such a general consensus among the class and my teacher, that maybe I was the one that was wrong and my story needed tweaking. I felt that they believed that I wasn't a good writer and as someone that wasn't popular or confident, that hurt pretty badly. So I changed the parts that my class said needed to be altered and I absolutely hated my story. I hated every little piece of it but I trudged through it anyway.

When I turned in the story, it was not a story that I was particularly proud of and I received a B-, which I felt was extremely fair, considering my lack of enthusiasm for the story. However, I knew that I could really do something with this story and these characters had to be shared with the world. So, I continued writing it at home but still kept my classmates' suggestions.

 However, after numerous re-writes, I realized that I didn't need anybody to tell me how to write my story. So, I wrote it the way that I wanted to write it and absolutely fell in love with it all over again. I made more necessary changes that made sure that I stayed true to what I really wanted for myself and for my characters.

I started that project when I was a freshman in high school and I finished it five years later, after many long days sleepless nights caused by writers block. Even when I took breaks from writing, the story was always on my mind. I sent my story to one close friend who sent me back edits and positive feedback. I really started to believe that I could do this.

Being an author is something that I had always wanted to do but I never knew that I would be pursuing this dream at such a young age. But still, I had the drive, the initiative and the passion to make it happen. So on July 28th 2012, I finished my novel at 12:15 a.m.

I was always someone that wanted other people to read and love my stuff but had a confidence issue. No matter how good I thought that my writing was, I was always afraid of rejection and people hating my writing. It was always a roadblock for me, being a writer. So it took a lot for me to give my writing to my fiance and my parents.

After receiving a lot of positive feedback and constructive criticism from them, I made some necessary edits and sent it out to agents. That was the most nerve-wracking experience of my life and it took all of my courage to hit the send button for all of those e-mails. However, I am still in the process of trying to find an agent. My story is pretty controversial, so it's difficult to find an agent that's willing to take a chance on a 20-year-old woman with a controversial story and no credentials other than a high school diploma.

I am still very confident in how amazing that I believe that my story is but I am not someone that can sit idle and do nothing. So, I have tons of other stories that I want to write and I think I have settled on which one I'm going to write first. However, I think that my first novel's story might not be done yet and I'll probably write a sequel to it in the near future as well.

So it's a toss-up right now. But it's so weird starting the planning process over again because it's been so long since I've had to do that. I honestly feel like I'm cheating on my first novel sometimes. But I can't tell you guys how much joy writing brings to me. Even if I never get published, nothing can take the joy away from taking the thoughts and stories from inside my head and making them come alive on a piece of paper or a computer screen. I am able to communicate in ways that some people can only dream of and I cherish that gift with every fiber of my being.

That is what this blog means to me. It means that I can write whatever I want and express myself to my greatest ability, while having more fun than anyone will ever know. In my opinion, being published doesn't make you a writer, although it's what most writers strive for. Being a writer is being someone that is brave enough to say what they're feeling and thinking, without giving a darn about what anyone else says about it. They write from the heart and are able to truly move people or get people to think about things in a way that they never thought before.

So thank you all so much for reading this and my previous posts. Writers want an audience and it means the world to me for people to take time out of their busy lives and pay attention to what I have to say. Truly, if nobody every publishes my work, yes, it will be awful but at least I will have the people that have chosen to read my blog and have faith in me.

I am such a dreamer and I am a firm believer in Walt Disney's iconic quote, "If you can dream it, you can do it." I truly believe with all of my heart that my blogs won't be the only thing that people read of mine. I will be a published novelist and you all can say that you knew me before my success. But if that doesn't happen, it will be awful but I'll always have this and... it sounds like life to me.