You Don't Know Me

You don't know me
You think you do
But you don't

You see the tears fall down my face
But you don't understand why
You hear my voice crack in despair,
Yet you don't care to listen
My heart breaks inside my chest
And I feel myself suffocate
As you drift further away from me

You say that you want to be close to me
You claim that you want to be my friend
Yet when I pull away,
You push me further back
I scream, holler, yell and cry in frustration
But it all falls on deaf ears

You play the victim
You try to tear me down
I stumble a bit
And I fall flat on my face
But I pick myself back up,
I dust myself off,
Just to have you push me back down again

You say it's my fault
You push the blame on me
Another part of me dies inside,
As my heart breaks for you again
And I start to hate you

Your name tastes like poison in my mouth
And it stings my lips
I clench my fists at the sight of you
My whole body tenses up
I put myself on the defense,
Ready for a fight

I pretend to smile and put on a fake face
It's all an act
You fall for it each time
My arms can't seem to wrap around you,
As your touch burns my flesh
Your hugs just aren't the same

You say that you care,
Yet you don't know what's wrong
I say it's nothing and you drop it
Because when I tell you what's really wrong,
You ignore it
You push it out of your mind,
As if it was useless trivia

You say that you know me,
That you know who I am,
Yet the person you describe is someone that I used to be

I am not that girl
I was but I'm not anymore
I'm someone who is tired of holding onto this guilt,
This frustration,
This feeling that I can't say what I really feel about you

And I have to pretend to be someone that I'm not,
For you
What is it going to take to get through to you,
For you to realize that this is killing me,
That I don't have much left in me to fight anymore,
That I don't want to go away

My defenses are slowly breaking down
And I'm losing myself,
Losing patience,
Losing time to fix this before it's too late

But I don't have a choice
You have to let me be who I am
And who I want to be
Because I have a voice
And I need to be heard
I will no longer suffer in silence
I am not afraid anymore

So you can think whatever you want
You can say that you care about me,
That you love me,
That you know me inside and out
But you're wrong

No matter what you think
Or what you feel,
In my heart of hearts
And in the very core of my soul,
I know that,
You don't know me...

I wanted to do something different for this post. I normally do write about personal things but this is the most personal post that I've written so far. I feel that it's important for you guys to know me on a pretty personal/intimate basis. So this is how I've been feeling lately and I'm welcoming you guys into my brain, so to speak. :) This poem was written spontaneously and without any structure, just like I try to live a portion of my time here on this Earth because hey... it sounds like life to me.

This is an original work and nobody can use this without my permission!