Yearning

                                                            After our first kiss. :)

Today while I was at work, a whole bunch of people from the navy came in to eat. It's a special that the restaurant does once a month for them, so they all come in at once. There must have been at least 50 of them. I'm still new at work, so the sight was something very odd for me. Everyone else was so used to it that it didn't phase them. It didn't bother me though; it just made me sad.

Of course, everyone was in full uniform. Now, my husband isn't in the Navy but it made me think of him even more. I think about him all the time but it's so hard to be strong. It's hard not to break down and cry every second of every day. But I've never seen my husband in uniform because he went to boot camp after we got married and we've been separated ever since.

The thought of seeing my husband dressed like that one day is what got to me and made me tear up. The next time that I see him, he will be in full army uniform. I am so incredibly proud of him and who is he becoming while he is away. That's what has been able to get me through this.

Not gonna lie, even though I know that my husband isn't in the navy, a small part of me was hoping that he would walk through that door and surprise me. Hey, a girl can dream. Even though I know that's impossible, it's hard to think with your head and not your heart sometimes, especially with something as emotionally trying as this.

So I know that it's not smart to drive yourself nuts over something that you can't have but I couldn't help it. I kept yearning for him to come and see me and I yearn for him to be with me every night. Today makes it three weeks exactly that he's been away. So that means only seven more weeks until graduation. I wish that I could say that everything has been getting better with time but I'd be lying. If he was only staying away for those 10 weeks, then it would be a lot easier; but because he is leaving for another 9 months after that, it doesn't help much.

But every time someone asks me about him or what he is doing, they all think that it's so cool and that he is so lucky to have the job that he has. So it makes me forget, for a brief second, about the sadness and it turns back into pride. This has been the toughest thing that I've had to do and everything I see or do reminds me of him. But I have to get through it. I have to. There is no other choice.

If he is going through all of this, the least that I can do is be strong for him. It just hurt so badly today to see a sea of military uniforms and know that my husband being there wasn't an option, or even a possibility. I just wish that I could stop yearning for the impossible and be as strong as I want to be for the both of us. It's easier said than done but the same goes for a lot of other things and hey... it sounds like life to me.